Like a Broken Doll
by linwe viper emily nolatari
Summary: Amisdt a battle, in the heat of the moment, two lonely souls came together as one, but as the night died so did their passion, now she is left pregnant and alone... R&R please! i'm having trouble uploading chapters so it'll be slowing down..sorry...
1. Chapter 1

It's my birthday, I was bored and this story just popped into my head….I don't think as Cagalli quite like this, but it seems fitting nonetheless, it's gonna be way out-of-character, and I don't really like doing OoC's, but like I said, I can picture her in this situation, so it's ok…just another look at lives during war…I mean all the characters were kinda messed up….it's a plausible idea I think….well enjoy….oh and there might be incest….but not intentionally….

It was a mistake.

It should have never happened, but now it was too late.

She was carrying some extra baggage.

Now nobody could ever say she was not a woman.

In the early days, right after it happened, she had thought of abortion, but after finding out how it was done, she opted against it. It sounded to painful and cruel.

It all happened so fast. It was in the heat of the moment. It was not supposed to happen.

Two young good-looking people brought together by coincidence. Two people sharing the same life for a couple of hours; and changing their lives forever.

She couldn't even start to explain how it happened.

Every time she tried to relive that moment, she only remembered his green eyes. She didn't even remember his face. It was like she was drunk.

And maybe she was drunk. Drunk on her own need for love.

It was war, and the battlefield is a lonely place.

She found the opportunity and she took it, not thinking about the consequences.

She only remembered feeling needed by someone.

His body felt so desperate on top of hers, the way he desperately kissed her, caressed her, for some reason that desperation comforted her own desperate heart.

Their bodies moved in a violent fashion, so desperate, that it hurt, but that pain felt good to her. Now that she thought back, maybe there was blood. It had been her first time after all.

But that only brought comfort for some time.

After he was done ravishing her body, all that darkness returned.

The way he abruptly pulled away hurt. She felt her heart being torn apart. She wasn't needed anymore, he was done using her; she felt raped.

'Why did it happen?' she asked herself, alone in her room.

She was too young to be a mother. She was only sixteen and she didn't even want to be a mother! In all her life she never thought of herself as a mother, but now she was carrying a stranger's child.

There was a knock on the door.

"Come in.," she said.

The door opened revealing her friend. "Hey, taking a break?" she asked.

"Yeah I'm taking a break from the bridge." Her friend replied.

"Miriallia…" she started but didn't know what to say.

"Yes?" her friend inquired.

"Do you…do you ever feel lost? Lonely, like there is no place for you in the world? Used?" she asked.

"Um, yes sometimes, but then I remember I have Tolle and all my friends and I'm ok. I guess it's just this war that makes us feel so distraught."

"Yeah I guess it is this war." But it wasn't only the war. Miriallia had someone she could lean on to when she felt overwhelmed. Somebody that only had eyes and ears for her. Yes, she too had friends, but friends are shared, and not one was only exclusive to her. This war had brought to surface many things.

She had always been used; from the time she was a kid.

She was the princess of Orb; she had a way to do things. She couldn't just run amuck. She couldn't just be a child, and now what remained of her childhood had just flown out the window.

She was a soldier, a princess, a public figure; she couldn't be pregnant, and even worse from a total stranger.

She wanted this pain to end.

She needed to fill that void in her heart.

And she started to walk a dangerous line to do that.


	2. Chapter 2

People deal with loneliness and anxiety different ways….and this is just how Cagalli found to deal with hers….but it brought horrible concequences.

He had just been dumped.

It hurt.

The girl he had been engaged to for a long time had just dumped him for his friend.

He could not fathom why.

It was all so sudden. Well not really, they had been having an affair for a while, and that was what hurt the most.

She wouldn't even let him hold her hand, yet she was already sleeping around with him. Yes he knew that it was an arranged engagement, but still he liked her and he thought she liked him too, but apparently he was wrong.

In an enclosed battle ship it was almost impossible to avoid them.

Unless he stayed locked up in his room, he would have to see them and work with them.

It made him angry.

She had never talked to him before.

He was the quiet type.

She's probably scared him off. She had a short fuse, but that was only for show. Really she was a scared little kitten. She had learned to put on the fiery façade in order to protect herself. If she didn't do that, her inferiority feelings would overwhelm her. She would break under pressure.

The only time when she was vulnerable since she was a kid was on that one eventful night, and look where it got her.

She wanted to feel needed again, and it didn't matter who it was. She wanted to forget her problems.

"I wonder if I can get some cigarettes?" she asked herself, but she knew she couldn't smoke.

That would only hurt the fetus.

"Hey Cagalli." The Gundam pilot greeted her upon entering the ship's lounge.

"Oh hey, Kira." She greeted him.

Kira was the one that kept the Archangel from falling into enemy hands, but that took out a lot from him. She knew personally just how distraught he was, and she really wanted him to comfort her, but at the moment it was impossible. He had a girlfriend.

"So how's everything going?" he asked.

"Eh…I want to get back on the sky grasper again, but I guess that ain't gonna happen." She said.

"Well you know that time… the captain broke the rules by letting a civilian fight and something could have happened to you." He said.

That time…. that was when _it_ happened.

She wanted to feel useful so she pushed her stubbornness on the captain until she let her join the fight. Then her life went down to hell.

She got shot down and landed on a deserted island, but apparently it she was not alone. He was there.

She became his prisoner.

Yes, he could have done whatever he wanted with her, but he didn't. He waited until she would consent.

Maybe if he had just raped her she wouldn't be pregnant.

She knew that much. It was rare to get pregnant after a rape.

Maybe it would have been better. At least for the psychological trauma she could get help to learn to deal with it, but how could she learn to live with a child growing inside of her?

She already needed psychological help, but she didn't want to admit it.

She was broken.


	3. Chapter 3

She was tense.

She felt like she was about to burst.

She went into the gym to work out, but in her current state she couldn't be too violent. She felt like screaming, like crying, like damning that unknown guy to hell, like pulling a knife and stabbing herself until she bled the child out, until she died.

But she couldn't. She couldn't scream, or cry or damn that guy to hell. It takes two to tango and he had _not_ raped her, so she couldn't pin all the blame on him. She also couldn't blame that child growing inside of her for everything.

'I need a hug. A warm embrace.' She thought to herself.

If she couldn't comfort herself with a physical workout, she needed someone else to comfort her.

All her life she had been lonely, but she had always had the comfort of the gym, now she didn't even have that.

"You know, before I disappear I am going to stop working out so hard." She told Miriallia that night. She needed an excuse as to why she wasn't working out so hard.

"Really? I never would have thought I would hear you say that. You like working out so much."

"Well yeah, but the other day I noticed my pants were a little lose, and I don't want to end up looking like that girl." She said, pointing at Kira's girlfriend, Flay.

"Well, she doesn't work out, so she could get dangerously skinny, but you, I've never heard of working out making you _too_ skinny."

"Whatever, I'll see how this works out, if I start gaining weight I'll start again."

"Sounds like you have everything worked out."

"I do." She smiled.

In reality, she had nothing worked out. Nobody had noticed her change, but then again it was too soon to notice. The only reason she knew was because after returning to the ship and being asked if they had done anything to her, she decided to get herself checked.

"You eat like a bird. If you don't start eating more, you'll definitely disappear." Kira told her, bringing her back to reality.

"You were listening?" she asked.

"Yeah."

"I'm just not too hungry. Then again, how could anyone get hungry during a fight?"

"Just…eat." He told her and walked off with Flay.

"You know, when I see Kira with Flay and he looks so happy I'm glad, but then I turn and see Sai so glum, I feel sad for him." Miriallia whispered.

"It must suck to be you. Stuck between friends and their love life." Cagalli responded absent-mindedly.

"Too bad there is no one that can take his mind of her." Miriallia said absent-mindedly.

"Um…" Cagalli responded, thinking that maybe he could offer her some comfort.

In the spirit of her fake self, the brash and fiery self, she approached Sai.

"Huh? You?" he asked surprised, as she jumped out of nowhere.

"Will you hug me?" she asked him point-blank.

His eyes widened, "Excuse me?"

"I need someone to hug me and you are just the guy to do it."

"But I hardly know you, why don't you ask Kira, he's your friend right?"

"Kira has that girl to comfort him, but you and I have nobody. Is it really that far-fetched then, to ask for a hug?"

Again, she could not remember how they ended having an affair. She had only asked for a hug, but then she found herself on somebody's bed.

Heck she didn't even know whose bed it was.

But he was kind. Well, kinder than that other one.

This time it was a different kind of desperate.

It was a slow desperate, wanting to make it last as long as they could.

Taking it slow. There was a sort of seduction.

Again it was comforting.

Again she would look for his bed to feel comfort, and again he would accept her into his embrace and give her that fake comfort she wanted and he needed.

And again she would feel guilty once they parted ways.


	4. Chapter 4

What the hell had he just done?

He hardly knew her.

Actually a better way to say this was that he did not know her.

He just knew in passing a girl named 'Cagalli.', yet just a few moments ago she had left his bed.

When did a hug change into this?

He was confused.

That was the thing furthest from his mind a couple of hours ago, but now he had just _done_ it.

What was going on, how was he going to look at her again?

He felt like he had taken advantage of her.

How?

Again it had been awkward.

That first time was violent, but yet awkward. Maybe it was because of their inexperience that in that violent furor they were also trying to discover their bodies, making the whole experience awkward.

'You're a virgin?' he asked surprised the moment he entered her.

She wasn't sure if she answered him, or if she only nodded. She was too much in pain and ecstasy to remember.

It really was violent.

'I am too.' He said, pushing a little too hard, making her gasp.

Little by little some things from that night started to come back to her.

She remembered tightly holding on to him, her nails digging into his back. Their bodies were so in sync it was mesmerizing.

Then again maybe it was his green eyes that were mesmerizing.

She felt like she never wanted to forget those eyes. Like the only thing that mattered at that moment were those eyes.

'Idiot.' She had been so intensely at looking at his eyes that that was all she remembered, and that was why she could not look at Sai in the eye during their time together.

"Um…Cagalli… we need to talk."

"It's ok really. It was my fault, besides you were very kind."

"But…"

"It's ok really…"

"I feel like I took advantage of you."

"You didn't. I'm not blaming you for anything."

They had not planed to keep it up, but somehow it happened.

She kept coming back.

Whenever she was with him, she forgot everything.

While he was filling her up she felt like that darkness decreased, but it couldn't last.

A relationship based on nothing wasn't even a relationship and without a foundation it crumbled under pressure.

Loneliness was not reason enough to start a relationship, and when it ended her loneliness had only increased.

"Sorry, but I don't think I can do this anymore." He said.

"I know…I understand…it was good while it lasted, but you are right…it wasn't working out."

And just like that he walked away leaving her empty handed again.


	5. Chapter 5

Um….I dunno if I might confused anyone, but she wasn't raped by anyone…she just feels used…it just happened….heat of the moment I guess u can say….just wanted to clarify that…

BTW…I don't know if u were wondering, but from what I've heard, the Cagalli 4rm GS and the Cagalli 4rm GSD were 2 very different ppl, so I guess the Cagalli in this story is like the one from GSD…always crying, and lost….

Again, it happened again.

Once more she was left to grab air.

She knew it would happen, but that didn't mean that it didn't hurt.

It wasn't that she really loved him, heck she hardly knew anything about him, but still, loneliness stung, and she wanted him for comfort, but he had left her cold.

Again, she was left to cry alone.

Nobody really wanted to deal with it.

Nobody wanted to carry burdens that weren't theirs.

In a battlefield everybody had their own problems to deal with, she knew that, yet she couldn't help wanting somebody to help her carry her fears and loneliness.

She'd always had to deal with everything alone.

She spend her childhood from maid to maid, her parents being to busy to pay attention to her. The maids themselves had no time for her, they just fed her dressed her and send her off to school.

Why couldn't she just be docile and agree with what her dad said?

No, she had to prove her point, only increasing her loneliness.

It was her stubbornness that brought her into this war; that brought her into this mess.

No, she couldn't wimp out, she couldn't cry, she needed to be strong because nobody would be strong for her, but you know what? She just couldn't do it.

She couldn't bring herself to stand on her own two legs and stand tall.

She'd been pretending to be strong for too long and by now all her energy had ran out.

"Really?" Miriallia asked. "I thought it was strange that you two were going out, but…"she cut off abruptly.

"But?" she asked.

"Well, I just found it weird. You two didn't seem all that close, and then suddenly you were going out. Then again, Kira and Flay did the same thing…" she said.

"I know. I know…it was a mistake, but you know, I really did like him."

"He's a nice guy. I was really cheering for you guys, but I guess you guys just went into it way to fast."

"I liked him or else I wouldn't…" but she stopped herself before she said everything.

But Miriallia knew. Everyone knew, but nobody said anything. It was their lives after all.

"Who am I to judge? I know that you must have liked him even a little, or else you would have not even bothered, but Cagalli, please be careful. I think you are walking on a dangerous path." Miriallia told her, concerned.

"It was just so easy, you know? Don't you ever feel vulnerable, like you need a hug?"

"Of course I do. This war has not been easy on my nerves and there are times I get scared, and I just want to run and hide under a rock, but I can't. I have to be strong because there are people depending on me."

Cagalli gave her a small smile.

She had been strong for so long that she just couldn't be strong any more.

It was as if gravity had suddenly pulled her down and she could not stand up.

When it rains, it pours and right now there was a hurricane going on in her life.

There was child growing inside of her and she did not even know whom the father was.

How much sadder could her life get?

"Thank you for worrying about me."

"That's what friends are for."

But she was breaking.

Her heart had shattered.

She wanted to die.


	6. Chapter 6

Why?

That was one thing that puzzled her.

Everybody knew that Kira was having a very heated affair with that girl, but there was just one thing she could not answer.

How come _she _hadn't gotten pregnant?

She was almost certain they didn't use protection, yet that girl seemed fine.

So why had she gotten pregnant on her first try?

It wasn't fair.

It wasn't fair.

Her condition was getting harder to hide.

The food didn't sit well with her, and she didn't know how to explain it.

She also didn't know how to explain her sudden cravings.

Everything was just getting so complicated.

Again she was looking for somebody to hold her.

Again she could not stand on her own two legs.

'As I am now and I cannot stand, I wonder how it will be nine months from now when I am carrying a couple of extra pounds?' she asked herself sarcastically.

"Hey problems in paradise?" she asked Kira, as she approached him out on the deck.

"There is no more paradise. It's over." He said a little glum.

Cagalli couldn't say that she wasn't more than a little pleased to hear that, but still she tried to sound concerned. "Why? You two looked good together."

"It was a show. I mean on her part. I really liked her, but she was only using me for her own amusement."

He had tears in his eyes by now, and she felt like comforting him.

She went to give him a hug, but he pushed her away.

"Please, don't." he said.

"But why?"

"I don't want to use you. Right now I am on a rebound. I really want to be in your embrace, but I would only be using you."

"But you need my hug, you know you do. You won't be using me, we both want this." She pleaded.

"I just can't. Even if we are both in agreement it would just feel forced. Right now I am not good company for anyone. Plaese forgive me." And with that he brushed passed her withut looking back at her fallen form.


	7. Chapter 7

I don't want to make her seem like a whore. I know it seems like she is throwing herself at every guy available, but it is just out of desperation…she's desperate, lonely and scared and she doesn't know how to deal with those feelings…she really is not looking for sex, but somehow it always ends up in that, all she really wants is a hug, just like what she told Sai…

Oh and BTW.is it really that confusing? The baby's dad is most definitely Athrun…just wanted to clear that up….

That had been hard to do. It really was, but he knew that was what had to be done. It scared him because he knew she was right.

He wanted to be with her very much. Even if his breakup with Flay hurt, he wanted to be with her. Even while dating Flay, there would be times that he thought of a certain blonde. Times when he wished it was her in his bed instead of Flay.

He's had a crush on Flay since he was like 14, but that blonde haunted his dreams.

Ever since he met her he had felt a special attraction towards her.

She had comforted him, given him such a warm embrace, that he wanted to relive that experience.

Flay had given him no such comfort. He was happy when she confessed her "love" for him, but yet the whole relationship was wrong. The only comfort she knew how to give was in his bed. With her there was no room for talking, only sex. She could care less about him; she only wanted to keep him entertained long enough for him not to notice her deception. Keep him entertained long enough to manipulate him anyway she wanted.

He wanted her. He needed her. But he couldn't do that to her. He couldn't use her for the rebound. He knew what he wanted, and right now he wanted that more than ever. He really wanted that to wake up to the blonde, t have her lying besides him, but if that wasn't using her, then what was. He felt like he could really come to like her, but right now he only had a very physical attraction towards her. No matter how he looked at it, at that moment any relationship he started would be pointless, as he would just be using them to forget Flay.

He lay in his bed thinking.

"Flay." He whispered. He was feeling lonely. His bed felt empty. He did miss her. No matter what she had been, he did like her, and even though a certain blonde also haunted his dreams he could not totally forget her.

"I need to get some air."

She could not sleep.

No how many times she twist and turned she could not find her spot. Her bed felt too small, the room felt like it was closing in on her.

She felt like her small bump was in the way. No matter how she tried to accommodate herself on her bed, she would feel the bump.

She got up of her bed and went to check herself in the mirror. She lifted her shirt to show a very small, but distinguishable bump protruding from her once very slim abdomen. She felt like the tears started to form in her eyes.

'Why?' she asked herself. 'Why did you have to be so stupid? Why couldn't you keep your legs closed!' Dammit! Why!' she reprimanded her reflection. The tears fell freely from her eyes. She could feel the loneliness increasing.

'There's no point in staring and crying.' She mumbled.

She gave her belly one last glance and cried out in anger.

"Argh! I need to get out of this damn bunker!" she said angrily.

She quickly threw on some clothes and walked out of the room.

The halls were dark and quiet.

She walked out of her room barefooted, so she would make no noise.

He was absent-mindedly walking through the darkened halls when he felt something bump into him.

"Hey!" she hissed.

"Cagalli?" a very familiar voice asked through the shadows.

"Kira?" she asked.

"What are you doing up in the middle of the night?"

"I could be asking you the same question, Kira." Cagalli retorted.

"I couldn't sleep."

"Same here. I was having a restless night." She said.

The air felt heavy. The tension was high. The walls were crumbling. The promise he had made to himself that morning was crumbling. She was so close. He could not see her, but he could hear her heavy breathing. She was only an arms length away. So close. If he reached out he could touch her soft skin. He really wanted to. He shook his head violently trying to clear his thoughts. She got closer to him. Their faces almost touching. He tried to back away.

'It's ok…you can use me. You can do whatever you want, I just don't want to be lonely.' She whispered.

He kept backing away, not wanting to do what his body was screaming out to him.

She didn't give him a chance. Before he could react, her lips were on his.

There was no turning back.

The hallway was the only witness of their passion, their only accomplice.

It had been the best experience she had had since that fateful night.

All the others had been virgins, but Kira wasn't. He was the one leading. He was the one that knew what to do.


	8. Chapter 8

Bliss.

She had found a father for her unborn child.

She finally had someone to lean on.

Finally she felt like she could stand again.

Their relationship came as a surprise to many, but once again nobody said anything.

By now her pregnancy was very obvious. She was six months pregnant.

One day she had woken up to a swollen belly, and she had been barely four months then. There was no hiding it now. She had to come clean about it.

But not everybody was too happy to hear that.

'You're pregnant?' The captain asked.

Cagalli shook her head.

'How come you had not notified us about this sooner?' Natarle asked.

'I…I didn't want to leave the ship…I want... to stay here.'

'We cannot have a pregnant civilian onboard this ship!' Natarle barked.

'I agree with Ensign Badgirel, this ship is no place for a pregnant woman.' Captain Ramius said, "as soon as we reach Alaska you will be discharged and going back to Orb.'

'May I ask how and when it happened?' Natarle asked.

But before Cagalli could respond, Mwu la Flaga, who had been silent, cut in.

'I think we all know how it happened,' he said, making Natarle blush, 'but I am as curious as everyone here present as to when, because it is no secret that you've dated a crew member during this period of time.'

'No…It wasn't him…I don't know who it was…it was dark…the island…alone…'she broke down. In the presence of the adults, she just broke down. She didn't know why, but she couldn't stand being in their presence, it was an embarrassing feeling.

'O.K. I think that is enough. You may leave, you seem to need rest, we can finish this talk later.' Captain Ramius commanded.

She faintly remembered nodding her head and leaving the room.

'What do you think?' The captain asked her subordinates.

'It sounds like rape.' Mwu and Natarle agreed.

'That was what I was thinking.'

'But we cannot make a report on it because we were working against the rules letting a civilian into battle.' Mwu pointed out.

'Natarle, are you going to put this on your repoert too?' Murrue asked her subordinate who had threatened to right up a report saying Murrue had let a civilian fight.

After that talk, she had to come clean with everyone. Then again, even if she said nothing, her belly was un-hidable now.

'I can't believe you are pregnant!' Miriallia shrieked. 'How, when did it happen?'

'It was that time I got shot down and spend the night in that island.'

Miriallia's eyes got wide. 'What…you were…' but the words fell.

Cagalli was too embarrassed to admit she had let I happen, so she complied with Miriallia. 'Yes.' She said shortly.

Miriallia's eyes filled with tears. 'Why didn't you say anything? You were suffering alone.'

'I was embarrassed.' Cagalli admitted truthfully.

Miriallia gave her a hug.

'Do you know who the father is?'

Cagalli shook her head. 'I can't remember his face.'

Even though she had Miriallia and everyone else was very supportive, she still felt lonely. The only one that made her feel alive was Kira's company. She felt strong with him around.

But before all that, she had told Kira.

'You…you're pregnant?' Kira asked shocked.

'I couldn't hide it any longer. I felt like I was using you by not telling you.'

'How…how many months?'

'I'm four months pregnant.'

'Four…when did…is it Sai's?' Kira asked.

Cagalli shook her head.

'No. I don't know who the father is. It happened that night I was shot down.'

It had been the most embarrassing experience in her life. It was humiliating to stand before her boyfriend and admit she didn't know whom the father was. Yet, he had been so nice.

'I'll be the father.' He said, shocking her.

'You will? You are willing to sacrifice yourself for me?'

'Yes.'

'Thank you, but can I ask for one more thing?'

'What is it?'

'Can you keep it a secret for a little longer?'

'Yes, but why do you want to keep it a secret?'

'I'm embarrassed. Let me figure out how I am going to tell them. I am embarrassed as it is. Nobody is going to believe that me, Cagalli is pregnant. Now there is no way that you can confuse me for a boy.' She finished jokingly.

Kira only blushed. He had mistaken her for a boy a couple of times, but now there was no way he'll ever make that mistake. She was definitely a girl, no, a woman any way you looked at her.

She was so happy. It had been a long time since the tears that fell from her eyes were tears of joy instead of tears of sadness.

But that had been two months ago, now she was definitely huge.

"Are you sure you are not having twins?" Miriallia asked as she looked at her huge belly.

"I don't know. Prenatal care in a battleship is not that great." Cagalli retorted playfully.

"Well we are almost in Alaska, but if we have any more detours the baby is going to be born in this ship."

"Mir! Please don't say that! I'm scared as it is and thinking of having the baby on this ship scares me even more."

"Yes, we need to get to Earth fast so that you can get all the appropriate care and the baby can be delivered safely."

"All I want is for this baby to be born already."

"Are you having a natural birth or a c-section?"

"I think I'm going to get a c-section with this baby seemingly being so big I don't think I have that much muscle to stretch."

"Hehehehe I guess you have a point. I'm just glad that you are doing much better now that you started dating Kira."

"Yes, I don't know why we kept missing each other, but I am glad that we've finally found each other."

"Are you two going to marry?"

"What! I…I'm too young for that!"

"You are going to have a baby at 16, and you are saying you can't marry?"

"Well…he's been so nice by just being a father to my baby, I can't ask for anything else."

"Hmmm, just be happy. I'm going to miss you when you leave the ship though."

"Ahhh…me too, but when this war is over you have to go visit me and the baby at Orb."

"You're going to miss Kira too, right?"

"Yeah, I'm going t be worried sick, but it can't be helped. I can't be any more selfish and take him away from the Archangel and put all of you in danger."

She was happy.

The world rotated on it's axis to a perfection, but that happiness was not going to last.


	9. Chapter 9

Thanx 4 the reviews..thnx…oh and to answer 'Skyforger' yeah its sad..i want more reviews, but yet I don't get 'em for some reason even if I do get many hits for the story, but fret not, that doesn't deter me from writing cus I have a story to tell and want to have it out there for ppl to enjoy…so no matter I will see this to the end..reviews or not… but I do want to least have the ppl that has reviewed early chapters to come back and tell me what they think..it's kinda depressing when I finish a story and never hear 4rm my reviewers again….oh well enough moping….

The attack on the Earth's Federation's Alaskan base was nearing.

"What are you doing moping around?" his friend asked him.

"Hmm? I wasn't moping."

"Well you don't look to good. Are you worried about the operation?"

"Not really. I'm confident that we will win this fight."

"Heh, I never doubted that."

"What are you two doing just lazing around?" a harsh voice belonging to a white-haired boy cut in.

"Yzak! We are not 'lazing' around, we are just taking a little break." Said the dark-skinned one.

The one referred to as Yzak raised an eyebrow, "We are nearing our attack on Alaska yet here you are so non-chalant. How irresponsible can you get, Dearka and Athrun?"

"Yzak, please cut them some slack." A gentle voice pleaded.

Yzak turned around to glare at the owner of this new voice.

"Hmph" he growled before walking past them haughtily.

"Hey Nicol." Dearka greeted the new comer.

"Hello you guys." Nicol replied. "What are you doing?"

"Nothing. There's really not much to do until we reach Alaska." Dearka replied.

"Yzak is really going to hate me now." Voiced Nicol.

"Eh…he'll get over it. He's just always in a _veeery_ mad mood." Dearka said sarcastically, "But what I am really curious about is Athrun."

"Huh? Me? Why?" Athrun asked surprised.

"Oh, C'mon, I've seen you moping around this ship ever since you got shot down a couple of months back. What happened? You've kept your mouth shut all this time."

"I…I don't think it is any of your business what I did or didn't do in that space of time."

Dearka raised an eyebrow. "What you did or didn't do? What did you do?"

"Wha….! I didn't say I did anything!" Athrun denied, flustered.

"Oh shit! You didn't? Oh you did? C'mon you can't weasel out of this now! Spill!"

"What, what are you two talking about?" Nicol interjected.

Dearka spun to look at Nicol, a look of utter surprise on his tanned features.

"Nicol, Nicol…. please don't make me do this. Please tell me your parents gave you **_the talk_**, I don't want to do it."

"The talk? Dearka have you suddenly lost your mind?" Nicol asked a little weirded out by Dearka's behavior.

"No. There is no freakin' way that you don't know. Sex, Nicol, sex! That's what we are talking about. Please tell me you know what that is?" Dearka asked in utter desperation.

Nicol was bright red, but he shook his head. "I…I know…It's just that…"

"Whew, you had me scared for a moment there. I though you didn't know at all. I mean I kinda forgot that you are not as vulgar as I am."

"Well…is not that I think you are vulgar, but I tend to not understand words that are not in the dictionary."

"Heh, you really are the perfect little boy." Dearka teased.

During this little discussion Athrun tried to walk away slowly, but Dearka caught sight of him.

"And where do you think you are going? There is no freakin' way in hell that I am letting you go without you telling me who it was!"

"And I have no intention of telling you anything."

"So you are not a virgin any more, no big deal, that's nothing to be embarrassed about."

"Speak for yourself, besides it's not that I'm embarrassed…it's just…"

"C'mon you are not going to tell me you are still a virgin? You said it yourself 'What I did or didn't do in that space of time.' That means there was someone else there, now the question is, was it a guy or a girl?"

Athrun glared at him.

"OK it's settled, it was a girl. So was she hot? How did she look? I don't I've ever seen a Natural up close."

"I don't remember her at all."

"What you are telling me you slept with her and you don't remember her? Did you hit your head or what? How could you not remember her?"

"I just don't and that's why I feel like trash. I feel like the least I could do was remember her face, but I can't." he said nibbling at his nail.

"Dude, how could you not remember?"

"Well it was dark. In reality everything was so unexpected. If you ask me I cannot think of the details of that night."

"O----kay, well at least you know her name right?"

Athrun shook his head.

"Man you're hopeless. Are you sure you didn't rape her?"

"No! That much I am sure about!"

"Really? This whole thing sounds kinda fishy to me. Maybe you're lying to me, maybe you still are a virgin and that's why you were embarrassed to say."

"Get your head out of the gutter Dearka! Why do you think I didn't want to tell you anything? You are getting me more confused." He said suddenly feeling drained.

Nicol had been silent all through the conversation.

"Nicol, you look confused." Said Dearka.

"Oh? Oh no…I…I was just thinking…since it was sudden, do you think that maybe…maybe she could have gotten pregnant?"

"I've thought about that and that's what makes me even more distraught because I can't even remember her face."

"Dude your dad is going to flip is he finds out you were out there reproducing with a Natural."

Athrun shot Dearka another deadly glance. "Shut up!" he hissed, "That is the last thing I want. To be a father."

"Well I wish you all the luck in the world because if that girl remembers you, whenever she sees you she'll be able to recognize you and if she is pregnant, imagine the scandal."

"I know, I know…but maybe she won't remember me either."

And it was true for both parties. None of the implied remembered anything clearly, yet she remembered his eyes and he remembered nothing.


	10. Chapter 10

The calm before the storm.

Finally they've reached solid ground.

But…

"Grrrr…they did this on purpose." Said Captain Ramius once they left the office.

She had just been informed about some changes that were going to be made to her ship.

She had just been informed that 1st Lieutenant, Mwu la Flaga, Ensign Badgiruel, and Flay Alster were going to be transferred to god knows where.

"But what can we do about it? Those are orders from higher up." Mwu told her.

"I know, but it still bothers me. He made it sound like we broke the rules."

"I think he just wanted to use the kid as a scapegoat and weaken our ship." Said Mwu.

"Whatever the reason, I wish you the best in your new post."

"Thank you, but I will miss your company." He told Murrue, winking.

Murrue just blushed.

"Good luck."

"Hey I'm not leaving yet!" he responded.

I'd be a total lie to say that Cagalli was happy to be back on solid ground.

Yes, she'd be able to have her child in a hospital with all the medical care, but she was going to have to leave her boyfriend behind, and that worried her. She didn't want to lose him; she'd feel lost again. That was what she feared. That feeling of being lost that had dispersed once she followed what her heart told her. And yet, she knew that was what had to be done.

"What! I'm being transferred?" Flay whined as Captain Ramius told her the news.

"Yes, I'm afraid that Lieutenant Flaga, Ensign Badgiruel, and yourself are being transferred to other stations."

"But Why?"

"It's an order from higher up. There is nothing I can do about it."

"But I don't want to leave."

Well it wasn't like anybody was happy with that decision.

"Natarle, I am sure you'll make a good captain." Murrue told her ex-subordinate.

"Thank you." she said.

They've had their differences, but she still held great respect for Murrue.

"I guess this is good-bye. Until we meet again." Said Murrue stretching her hand towards Mwu la Flaga and Natarle.

They all shook hands and saluted.

"Good luck in your new posts."

Since Cagalli was not a soldier, she was going to be specially escorted to Orb.

"You're going to be escorted to Orb in a special air carrier. There's going to be a lot of security to make sure you arrive safely."

"Hey, there's still time before I have to show up to my new station, so I'll walk you to the launching dock where they are waiting for you." Mwu told Cagalli.

Cagalli shook her head.

Saying good-bye was hard, especially after what had happened.

They had been so close to Alaska when they were attacked by Zaft.

'Oh Miriallia, I wish I could stay. I'd hate to leave you at a time like this.'

'Don't worry about me. Just worry about your baby being born safely. I promise that when everything is over I'll go visit you.' Miriallia assured her.

'Please take care. I will be waiting for your visit.'

Miriallia had lost her boyfriend, her source of strength.

For a moment she had lost her senses and even tried to kill the P.O.W, but in the nick of time she returned to her senses.

It had been a hard time for everyone; Cagalli also thought that she had lost Kira.

The battle was a fierce, but to Cagalli's joy, Kira returned. He was in a bad shape though. He had been willing to kill his oldest friend, who ironically fought for the other side.

'It's not fair that I have to fight my dear friend.' He said sadly.

'It's not, but what can you do about it?' Cagalli had asked.

'I tried to kill him.' He said, tears running down his cheeks.

'And he tried to kill you, but what would that have gained? Was Tolle or his friend going to return?'

That fight had taken the lives of dear friends.

On both sides of the battlefield, it showed just how expendable lives were.

How lonely the soldiers life was.


	11. Chapter 11

Hmmm…I dunno how this chapter is…it may be bad…dunno…but I promise that 12 is gonna be a lot better..back to basics I guess…so just bear with me a little longer until I can update the next chapter…

"C'mon, kiddo, or else I won't be able to accompany you to your shuttle." Mwu told Cagalli, who gave her last rueful goodbyes and walked away with Mwu. "Oh and you too, Flay, you and I are headed the same way."

Both Cagalli and Flay sulked. They didn't want to be together for anything in the world, they were not on the best grounds ever.

"Stop pouting, you two. This is the last time you are going to see yourself in a loooong time."

"Why would I even care about not ever seeing _her_ again?" Flay sneered.

"I feel the same way. Why should I care if I ever see her pretty little spoiled princess self ever again!" Cagalli retorted angrily.

Mwu rolled his eyes and smiled. Well at least Cagalli had gotten her spunk back. It had been a long time since he had seen her so fiery.

"Ah, can you at least try to be civil? Remember I'm the one standing in the middle of you two."

Both girls looked at Mwu. "Sorry." They said.

He just smiled at them. "That's better."

"How come she gets a special treatment? I don't understand why I get transferred, and she gets escorted to Orb with a royal treatment?" said Flay.

Cagalli turned to glare at her. Only because she was like ten pounds heavier and had another human being to take care of or she would have pounced on Flay and hit her so hard she'd forget her own name.

"I mean, yeah so she's a princess, but I'm not even sure that's true, she acts more like a hungry predator than a princess if you ask me."

"You…little…bitch! If you don't want to die, shut that pretty little mouth of yours!"Cagalli said angrily, forgetting for a moment that she was pregnant.

"Hey, hey don't forget Cagalli that you are not alone." Mwu told her pointing at her protruding stomach.

"You got lucky, princess." She hissed at Flay.

Flay just put on an innocent front, which made Cagalli even angrier.

Some thing didn't feel quite right. There was something very suspicious about the whole thing.

"You two behave while I get back. Please try not to kill each other."

"Huh, wha..? Where are you going!" Cagalli called out to him.

"Bathroom!" he called back.

"You can't go to the bathroom at a time like this!" Cagalli yelled.

"Sorry, but it can't be helped."

"I can't believe that man!" said Cagalli angrily. "Leaving me alone with this idiot!"

"I'm the idiot? I didn't get myself pregnant at the first try." Flay sneered. She had wanted to say that for a long time, but had never had the chance.

"Say that again? That is another one of the reasons I hate you."

"I can't believe Kira chose you. What did he ever see in somebody like you? You have absolutely no sex appeal."

"Well there is no point crying over spilled milk right? You were the idiot that didn't learn how to appreciate him. So now who's the real idiot?"

Flay remained silent. Cagalli won; in the end she had been the real idiot. She never knew what she had until she had lost him.

"What is taking him so long?" Cagalli asked angrily, and just as soon as those words came out of her mouth a large explosion was heard.

"What the…!" Cagalli asked.

"What's going on?" Flay asked.

"I…I don't know."

"Ah!" both girls screamed as another explosion was heard.

"You, let's get out of here!" Cagalli said.

"Ye...yes."

A blonde-haired man stood amidst the chaos looking at the confusion ensuing.

He spotted two young girls running away and he smiled.

'I think the Earth Federation is even worse that Zaft, sacrificing young girls.' He thought.

"Where…where are we going?" Flay asked Cagalli.

"To try and reach someplace safe."

"You two look like you could use some help." A blonde man suddenly appeared.

Both girls stopped in their tracks. That man startled them.

"Who…who are you?" Flay asked, as in shock.

"What…what is wrong with you?" Cagalli asked Flay, who seemed to be hypnotized.

"Father…?" Flay asked nearing the blonde stranger.

"What are you doing, you idiot?" Cagalli hissed.

"Come…come here child." The man said. And Flay as if his voice hypnotized her walked slowly towards him.

"Come back!" Cagalli hissed pulling on her arm, but Flay pushed her away and kept walking.

The man smiled.

"You to, come, or do you want to die here?" he told her, as if mocking her.

Cagalli's eyes grew wide. She hadn't really thought of the possibility of dying. Now more than ever she couldn't die, she was not alone anymore.

"Come." He said extending his hand towards her, then the world went black.


	12. Chapter 12

Ok, I'm back…I think this chapter will be of ur liking…. at least I hope…. it's angsty…

All that loneliness and emptiness that she had thought were gone were threatening to rip her apart again.

She was tearing at the seams; she could hear the thin thread crunching under her weight. She was once again standing on the abyss, waiting, ready to fall, but this time there was nobody to catch her.

Her happy ending was never going to happen.

It was over.

The fragile happiness she had achieved was gone.

Tear.

Rip.

Fall.

She was afraid of sleep, nightmares abounded her mind.

Nobody was going to save her; she was going to die alone.

The only thing that kept her half gone sanity in check was some familiar faces on the ship.

She had been so desperate for a friendly face that she even started to take a liking to Flay.

She discovered that Flay and she weren't that much different from each other.

'I…I'm afraid…do you think that…that maybe we'll die?' Flay asked her.

'I don't know, it's your fault we are in this situation, stupid!' she had retorted angrily.

Why had she even cared what happened to her? She should just have left her there to die, but she couldn't. Even if Flay was a little bitch, she couldn't cold-heartedly leave her behind.

The days seemed to have slowed down.

Nothing seemed to matter.

The war just kept getting worse and worse and she could not see a way out of her situation.

Her belly kept growing, and there were days when she just cried for nothing.

She had been useless after all, and now the commander didn't know what to do with her.

He has planned to use her as pawn for his twisted ideals, but it hadn't worked.

Flay and she had been put in isolation, their only company they had was each other.

It was then that they started to talk about their lives and got to know each other.

"Flay, why did you started going out with Kira?" Cagalli asked her.

"Shouldn't I be asking you that?" Flay responded.

"If it wasn't for you getting in the way Kira and I would have been together before." Cagalli responded somewhat defensively.

"It was because I wanted revenge for my father's death. He was the only person that I had left and when he died I was all alone. It was easy to blame everything on Kira and the Coordinators so I decided that since Kira was so vulnerable at the moment with the death of those civilians, that I was going to use him for my own selfish reasons."

Loneliness again.

Suddenly she couldn't hate her.

She had committed many mistakes because of loneliness too. She couldn't blame her.

"You know why I'm pregnant? It was because I was lonely and I wanted to feel loved, needed, but you know what? That only left me feeling even more lonely and confused." She said.

"It wasn't until after Kira broke up with me and started dating you that I realized how much he was worth and how stupid I was to ignore his suffering. I only thought about myself, I thought I was the only one suffering, but now I realize that everybody on both sides of this war are suffering." Said Flay.

It was a conversation they had been waiting to talk about. They had waited for so long for someone to listen to them, that the words just fell, it didn't even matter if what they said made sense or not.

"That's exactly how I felt, until that night. I could feel his pain and anxiety too, and that made me feel better. There was someone out there who was just as miserable or even more miserable than I was. I felt powerful, but when he suddenly pulled away, he left me feeling guilty that I was happy for someone else's misery. Many times I tried to blame him for my situation, for leaving me pregnant, but I know that it was mostly my fault. I wanted it, nobody forced me into it."

"I've been such a selfish arrogant spoiled girl. I never cared about anyone or anything. I always had my way, but now there is no one to protect me, I have to learn to do things on my own, to stand on my own two legs and make my late parents proud."

'That's exactly what I have to learn to do to. Now I have a child to worry about and I cannot depend on anyone to help me carry a burden that is not theirs."

"I had the wrong impression of you." Said Flay.

"So did I. I thought you were a bitch, and I guess you were, but there were reasons for that."

"And I thought you were a slut, sleeping around with whomever would let you."

Cagalli gave her a small smile.

"You know, I hate ill lighted places, they remind me of that night."

"What exactly happened? Is it true you really don't remember anything?'

"It's pathetic, I know, but like I said, it was dark and I didn't care about anything. I just wanted to feel him so that nothing else mattered. I was just so desperate for affection." Cagalli said.

The tears had fallen out of their eyes. Both could feel that void that threatened to swallow them up.

They hugged each other and cried themselves to an uneasy sleep.

Crack.

The thread was ripping.

Both girls were on the verge of falling to pieces.

Well I hope u like this one better….


	13. Chapter 13

A different man-to-man conversation…lol…

It was so sudden.

He was reunited with his friend who he had tried to kill many times before.

He remembered being left sentimentally crippled after losing his new best friend to his childhood friend.

He had tried to avenge his fallen friend by killing his old friend, but even though he tried, in the end he didn't succeed.

Both were badly injured, but none died.

Then came the attack they had been preparing for, the attack on the Earth Alliance's Alaskan base.

He felt like justice was finally going to be made.

He had lost too much to the Naturals and the Earth Federation.

He thirsted for blood.

His mother and best friend were taken from him unfairly. They didn't deserve to die the way they did, and he wanted revenge.

And then he feared himself.

Those feelings of revenge and sudden anger weren't really his real personality, but during the course of the war they had been growing, and were threatening to break him. He was of letting those feelings take over him, afraid of what he might do if he let them grow.

He didn't want to do anything wrong again.

The time he had let his superiority feelings take over him, and his anger rise he had committed a great sin.

Even if he told Dearka the he hadn't raped her, he was not too sure. He couldn't remember much from that night, but he did remember that he was angry, and thought that she was very vulnerable and he could easily overpower her.

Then it happened, and he couldn't remember how.

He was angry and he did know one thing for sure, he had used her as a scapegoat to release all his anger on someone. He needed to, and she had been his perfect pray. A girl and a Natural. The perfect pray.

He felt like he was slowly losing his sanity and there was nobody to help him.

He had a formal relationship with his father, too formal, just like a subordinate and superior. His father offered no comfort, and recently he had even cut ties with his fiancé.

He felt truly alone. Everyone he had ever mildly connected to, was either dead or gone from his grasp, and he was left stranded.

'What is it that I want?' he asked himself over and over as he lay on this strange ship full of people he had considered enemies for almost a year since the war started.

During the attack on the Alaskan base he got shot down and brought to the ship as a P.O.W.

To his surprise that's where he found Dearka who had been missing since the attack where Nicol had died, and Kira, his oldest friend.

Finally he had the opportunity to talk to Kira man-to-man, but Kira was not really in the mood for talking.

'I'm sorry but right now I can't talk to you. My girlfriend has gone missing and she's pregnant!'

Athrun choked. 'You…you're going to be a father?'

Kira just nodded. He didn't feel like going into the details of what had really happened.

Athrun didn't say anymore and got escorted to his cell.

"Dearka, why are you here?" Athrun asked him.

They hadn't really been friends before, but since they were sharing the same cell might as well get to know each other more.

"Um…I was caught." Dearka said sarcastically.

"I meant, why did you surrender to them?"

"It's funny you know. We were taught to kill without remorse, and we were also taught not to fear death but to embrace it if it ever showed its face, but when death showed its face to me all those teachings went out the window and I was afraid. I suddenly remembered that I'm 16 and didn't want to die. I thought, 'wait this can't be happening! I can't die right now, like this. I've lived such an un-meaningful life and there's still many things I want to do!' and I decided to try my luck and become a P.O.W."

Athrun was silent after that. He was trying to take what Dearka had just said in.

Why was he so lost?

When had he lost his way?

"Hey, are you still depressed over that girl?" Dearka suddenly asked.

"Huh?...oh…yes and no. I guess whatever happened that night didn't transcend that night, and even though I still feel bad for not being able to remember her at all I think I am on my way to getting past this."

"Heh, I guess you are going to have to sleep with every Natural there is to see if you remember her. You know what they say, sometimes your memory can't remember, but your body can."

"That's ok; I think I'll pass on that. The best thing to do now is to forget."

And Dearka laughed. "I knew you would say something like that. I'm still surprised that you even _did_ that! I thought I was the only one that had it in me. I mean I can't imagine Yzak ever doing that. He'd probably rather cut his veins and bleed to death than deal with a girl. Then again what girl in her right mind would want to deal with mister grumps?"

Athrun couldn't help but chuckle at that mental image.

It really was hard to imagine Yzak in any sort of sentimental relationship.

"He'll probably get married because his parents arranged it." Said Dearka.

"You are probably right." Athrun had to agree.

"Man, Commander Le Cruset must be fairly pissed off by now. In the beginning we were five and now his elite team has been reduced to one." Dearka suddenly said, bringing with him memories of their fallen comrades.

"First it was Rusty, then you, then Nicol and finally me." Said Athrun.

"But at least we can still return. When I had those cannons pointed at me I thought, 'No! I can't die. I have to return because I know that there are others that would never be able to see anything again.' I thought of Nicol who had been killed moments before I was caught, and thought how sad it was for him to die. If anyone had to die, it definitely shouldn't have been him. Even when Rusty died, realization hadn't hit me yet that no matter what side we were on, on the other side whomever we were killing were real people that had lives. I guess it was because it was so early on in the war that I thought Rusty's death was unfortunate, but excusable. It wasn't until Nicol died that I realized all the blood that's on my hands."

"I think I understand what you are saying, but I still haven't come to terms with that. From the beginning I knew Kira was piloting the Strike, and that he was doing it to protect this ship, but even so, that didn't matter. Just barely have I started to think of them as people too, not livestock that's expendable. Even that girl, even her I only saw as a scapegoat."

"Ouch. That's harsh. Who would have thought that you would have your cruel side."

"Don't we all? But yes, there have been some things that I have been remembering from that night and the one that stands out is that I was feeling angry. I was only using her to satiate my anger. I don't know how to explain it, but I felt powerful."

"You sure you didn't rape her?" Dearka asked again.

"I…don't really know anymore. Maybe…? But I don't remember any struggle."

"You really are messed up. You have issues man, but everything aside, maybe it was mental rape?"

"Mental rape? Please explain Dearka."

"Hmmm, I guess what I'm trying to say is that you probably seduced her."

"I guess…I guess that's what happened."

"Sheesh, this war is making all of us go crazy." Dearka said.

"Yeah."

Ironic huh? So close yet so far….it's still not the time 4 them to be in the same room...ok…hope u like this chapter…I like going inside the characters head…


	14. Chapter 14

Well while ur waiting 4 me to update…I'm going to free advertise but go check my other GS stories…or any of my other stories 4 that matter…

Time had a different meaning now.

She wasn't even sure how long she'd been cooped in that cell with Flay, but it was slowly getting on her nerves.

She was slowly starting to fear the dark.

The small room felt like it was closing in on her.

Like it was going to swallow her.

In that room she didn't get much news from the outside, she didn't know how the war was going, if it was even close to an end.

Both girls had lost their spunk again.

They both lay on their cell floor like discarded dolls, just waiting for the end to come.

Cagalli didn't even care she was pregnant anymore, if death was going to take her way from that cell, then let it be, but as soon as she thought that, she felt guilty.

She needed to get out of that deep abyss that that dark room was causing her or else she would die.

"Flay what is your favorite color?" she asked randomly, trying to pull Flay out of her stupor, and in the process, alleviate her own restlessness.

Flay didn't turn around to face her. "Pink." She said flatly.

"C'mon Flay, we can't let ourselves die here. Remember what you said about wanting to be able to stand on your own and make people respect you?" Cagalli told her desperately trying to get a reaction from the other girl.

"I do remember, but I'm too tired. I have lost hope in ever returning to the outside world. Let's b honest, we're going to die here." She said monotonously turning around to face the blonde.

"Sheesh I hadn't seen your face in so long." Cagalli told her, happy that the other girl was even showing interest in her again.

"And where do you get all that spunk?" Flay asked her tiredly. She had lost all hopes of anything and Cagalli's seemingly disinterest in their situation just made her weary.

"From nowhere. I too am feeling desperate, but I can't let these feelings overwhelm me. I can't be selfish and ignore this baby. It's for this baby that I'm even trying." Cagalli told her.

Flay was looking at her now.

"Cagalli do you want that baby?" Flay asked her point-blanc.

Cagalli was at a lost for words.

All through her pregnancy she had tried to avoid that question whenever it threatened to pop up in her mind. She didn't know what she wanted now.

"In the beginning I thought of an abortion, but then I found out how they are done and I got scared, and now, I don't know. I'd be lying if I told you I'm delighted to be having this child, but I guess since I'm going to go through with it I might as well keep it and raise it even if I have no idea who the father is." She finished and was surprised at what she had said. Up until that moment, she had never thought of what was going to happen, but she had just confirmed it, she would keep her child.

" I don't think anybody would be happy to have a kid at 15 or 16, no matter what people might say. I know I wouldn't have been happy if I had gotten pregnant now, so I guess you don't have to feel so guilty about doubting whether you want that kid or not, but right now I envy you because at least you have somebody for who you are fighting to live for. I'm all alone and there's nobody to cry for me if I die." Flay told her, a sad ring in her voice.

"You really are more than meets the eye, and I don't think that there is no none who wouldn't cry for you if you die. I'm sure I could think of a couple of people that would cry even if you were a little bitch with them." Cagalli told her, trying to comfort the younger girl.

"I'm just saying what I feel. I can't say I know how you feel though, I'm not in your position, but you really think that there is someone who would care if I die?" Flay asked her hopefully. Up until that moment, she really thought that nobody would cry for her because she had been so mean to so many of them.

"Just apologize to them when you get back, I'm sure they'll all forgive you."

Flay gave a small laugh, "You know I think you might _actually_ make a good mother."

"Wha…? I never thought of myself as a mother. I'm not all that nourishing and kind, you know, but now I'm going to have to learn."

"My mother once told me 'Nobody is born knowing how to be a parent. You learn along the way.' And I think she was probably right, but you can tell me if she was right when your baby is born ok? Besides, I think you are kind, or why else would you even be sitting there trying to comfort me in my self-doubt?" Flay asked her.

"Yeah maybe you are right." Cagalli agreed with her as she looked down at her swollen belly.

"I really have to apologize to Sai and Kira." Said Flay.

"I think you do. I think that Sai really liked you and maybe you could patch things up since there is no way I'm giving Kira back to you." Cagalli told her.

"Maybe…" but Flay never finished what she was going to say next because suddenly there was a loud bang on their cell door.

"What the hell is going on!" Cagalli exclaimed.

"Abandon ship! Abandon ship!" somebody was saying from the other side of the door.

"What! What! Open the door!" The girls screamed as the shouts of 'Abandon ship! Abandon ship!' moved further away.

Then suddenly the door was swung open and a young man called out to them.

They moved as fast as their legs could carry them towards the escape pods.

"What do you think is going to happen to us now?" Flay asked her as they ran towards the escape pods.

"We are going to be back on the Archangel in no time." Cagalli assured her.

Flay gave her a hopeful smile. "Yeah, Kira will rescue us." Were the last words they exchanged as they each boarded different pods.

"Until we meet back again on the Archangel, take care." Cagalli said softly as Flay boarded her escape pod.

And that was the last she ever saw of her…


	15. Chapter 15

The war was nearing its end, but it didn't bring him the peace of mind one may think.

He was in turmoil.

His father was going on a genocidal tirade and he felt like it was somehow his fault.

He was feeling anxious, thoughts of 'What if… or 'Maybe if I had that time…' floated around his head, confusing him even more.

'I have to go back to my father!' he exclaimed desperately trying to convey his preoccupation and guilt to his best friend.

'You can't!' Kira pleaded, but he would hear no reason.

'He's my father, maybe I can talk some sense into him!' he argued, hoping that those words were true.

His father was the only person he had left and with all his faults he was still his father and he loved him.

Their relationship had cooled down a lot since the death of his mother and the beginning of the war, but still he thought that he could abridge that gap that had been created between them and make him come to his senses.

'It's useless, let him go.' Mwu told a distraught Kira.

'But…' Kira tried to argue, but to no avail.

'Look kid if he wants to return, let him, what we need to do is focus on this battle. This battle could mean the end of the fight and then we can focus on finding those two brats.' Mwu said referring to Cagalli and Flay.

And he had boarded his gundam and flew over to PLANTs.

He wished that his father would listen to him, he knew the pain his father was going through, for he too had lost something to the Naturals, but he also knew that eliminating them would not change the fact that his mother was dead. Nothing would ever be able to bring his mother back to him, no matter how much he prayed and cried in silence.

He had hated the Naturals that had taken his mother, who was innocent of everything, away from him, but now being on the Archangel had taught him that they too were humans like him, and in an instant it didn't matter to him if he was physically and mentally superior to them, they were alive and he couldn't let his father go through with it.

He reached PLANTs to find it in utter confusion.

The people were divided, those who opposed his father and those who backed him up.

He looked for his father and finally found him, but reasoning with him was impossible.

"Father! You can't go through with this! Doing this won't bring mother back, besides haven't we shed enough blood?" he asked his crazed father.

His father looked at him as if he didn't know who he was and laughed.

"Foolish boy," he said, "do you think I am doing this for your mother?"

His eyes opened wide, he couldn't believe what he was hearing, his father had really gone insane with pain, but he was wrong.

"Father…" he said.

The man that he had once seen as his father laughed in his face. "I want power! More power! I am glad your mother is dead, and if you are going to stand in my way I will have to get rid of you just like I did Siegel Clyne." He told him laughing.

His father had lost his mind and became a megalomaniac.

He now stood there with his father pointing a gun at his face.

Survival skills kicked in, and in a swift moment he had the gun in his hands.

"Father, don't do this." He pleaded, but his father was beyond reasoning.

His moved to activate the doomsday machine and without even thinking he pulled the trigger of the gun he was holding.

The sound of the shot brought him back to his senses, and he saw his father covered in blood.

"What…what have I done?" he asked himself as tears rolled down his cheeks.

As soon as he felt the bullet burn through his flesh, Patrick Zala saw the light.

He had been so consumed in anger and pain over his wife's death that he had forgotten he had a son, and in his quest for revenge he had mercilessly used his son as a pawn for his revenge.

He saw his son shed tears, and his own eyes watered with a liquid that he hadn't shed in so long.

"My son…" he said as the young man rushed to his side.

"Please forgive me." His son told him, tears flooding his green eyes, "Please don't die, I don't want to lose you like I did mom!" his son had suddenly gone back in time and looked like 10 year old in his eyes. He saw the son that had been so innocent and kind, the son that he had later robbed of whatever innocence he had left by making him a soldier for his own revenge.

"No, you forgive me, and please stop all this." He told his son between jagged breaths. His life was slipping away from him and he could feel it. He had so many things he wanted to tell his son, and so little time.

"Father, father don't die. I didn't mean to shoot you!" his son desperately pleaded.

"I'm sorry to have even pointed a gun to you. I deserve this, good-bye my son, be happy…"and his father's life slipped out of his body as he cradled him.

"Father!" he screamed as the reality of what had just occurred registered in his mind.

He couldn't remember how long he stayed there, covered in his father's blood, until finally he decided to go finish what was close to an end anyway.

This war had to end before any more lives were lost.


	16. Chapter 16

Suddenly it was all over, but war leaves indelible scars that are hard to heal.

He was feeling sick.

He had slept with his sister, worse she was his twin.

'What is the meaning of this?' he asked rhetorically as he looked at what was written on the picture.

It was such a harmless looking scene, a mother and her two newborn babies, but it was such a deceiving picture in the end. With a flip of the paper and his world came crumbling on his head.

All that he had gone through during the war had never prepared him for what he read on the back of that old picture.

'_Kira and Cagalli._' It said.

He couldn't believe what he was reading, what did it mean? But the meaning was obvious.

She was his sister.

'Kid…focus, I know it's a harsh reality, but right now we have to end this.' Mwu had told him.

How he even managed to keep focused on the fight that ensued after that discovery was unknown to him.

It was hard to keep a focus when his mind played their time together and those three words like a movie reel.

His thoughts were spinning; he had been surrounded by too much tragedy and the only thing that he had found comfort in turned out to be a forbidden passion.

It was ironic, he had promised her to be a father to her unborn child, and yet he was that child's uncle.

He let out a bitter laugh.

He didn't even want to return to the Archangel, he didn't feel like seeing all those familiar faces, he felt dirty, ashamed. He also didn't want to see the faces full of sorrow, over the recent deaths and he especially didn't feel like facing the captain. He just wanted to sleep forever.

Many things had happened in so short a period of time that he as feeling weak. The news that Cagalli was his sister, the deaths of Flay and Mwu la Flaga, and Athrun disappearing again from his life had finished breaking his already weak self.

He'd never been of strong character, he was somewhat of a pushover, but he tried to put a strong façade before returning to ship.

The mood on the ship was heavy, but everyone tried to put up a strong front. Nobody was crying, yet many things were readable on their faces.

Those faces were very different from the faces of the people he knew from a year before.

These faces held no peace; only sorrow lined those faces, making them seem a lot older than they were.

He could only guess that there was nobody older than 30 onboard the ship, and yet everyone there had grown and matured forcefully.

Nobody held on to one ounce of innocence in them anymore.

That thought made him cry.

The thought that he had lost his innocence so circumstantially made the entire situation sadder.

Thoughts of self-destruction started to crawl into his mind, but he was suddenly pulled out of his self-pity.

He couldn't save Flay from her meaningless death, but somebody had managed to save Cagalli before she too got shot down, and now she came rushing from the escape pod towards him.

"Kira!"


	17. Chapter 17

"Kira!" Cagalli exclaimed as she bounced of the rescue pod and ran to hug her boyfriend.

Kira held his arms out to shield himself from her embrace, leaving her feeling hurt and rejected.

"Kira?" she asked with a broken voice.

Kira looked down at his shoes and shook his head while trying to get away from her.

He couldn't stand to look at her, to have her touch him.

Her touch gave him nausea and even though he knew that he was hurting her he could not even pretend.

"Sorry." He mumbled before brusquely walking away from her.

Cagalli was left dumbfounded. She had looked forward to their reunion so fondly that she could not imagine what had caused the change in him.

Tears rolled down her cheeks.

She had hoped Kira would comfort her, that both of them would share each other's shoulders to cry over their fallen friends, but Kira had literally rejected her.

His rejection hurt.

But then Flay was dead and they had been involved.

Was that the reason he had rejected her?

Oh no…the tears fell stronger than before.

How could she have been so stupid?

Of course that he would not want to see her at that moment, the other girl that he had loved had just died and Cagalli would probably only increase that pain.

Kira couldn't stand being in his room, that only helped his self-destructive feelings to grow and it brought him memories of Flay and Cagalli.

'How could this have happened?' he asked himself over everything that had recently occurred.

Flay was dead and the other girl he thought he loved was his sister. He felt his heart being torn apart.

'I need to get out of here.' He told himself leaving his room and walking to the bridge.

The mood on the ship was heavy.

Nobody knew why Kira had shunned Cagalli so abruptly, but they all guessed it had to do with Flay's death.

"I feel sad for Kira. He's the one that's suffered the most." Miriallia said sadly.

Everyone had lost things during the course of the war, but it seemed like Kira had been the one that lost the most.

"Yeah." They all agreed.

Cagalli reached Kira's room to find it empty.

'I'll just wait for him.' She thought, because her stomach was becoming a little too heavy to be walking around much.

She sat on his bed to wait for him when a picture caught her eye.

'That's so cute.' She thought, looking at the picture. She was about to take the picture of the table when the picture slipped to the floor.

"Ah crap!" she cursed as she bend down to pick up the picture and when two words caught her attention.

'_Kira and Cagalli.'_

'What?' she asked herself as those two words sank in and the realization of what that meant hit her full blast.

At that moment she felt like vomiting.

"Cagalli?" Kira stood dumbfounded by the door when he saw Cagalli in his room then his eyes averted to the picture still on the floor.

'Crap!' he mentally said as Cagalli fainted.

"Ca…Cagalli?"


	18. Chapter 18

Oops, sorry I took so long updating….but I kinda ran out of steam…oh and I didn't know what to do, should she have the baby or not, so I opted for not, but in the end of this story I'll post an alternate ending in which the baby survived, so if u wanted the baby to survive, just wait till the end of this storyline..ok…thanx 4 all the reviews!

It was over.

It didn't matter anymore.

Her eyes were shut, but still tears spilled out of them, and then…

She woke up in a hospital.

Something was wrong.

She looked down at her abdomen.

It was gone.

Her protruding stomach was now flat.

Her eyes grew wide, but before she even had time to react a sick-looking Kira walked in.

"Um…Cagalli…" he started but he choked.

Everyone now knew that Cagalli and he were related, and because of that it was up to him to give her the unpleasant news.

"Cagalli…" he started again, "you…your baby was um…"

"Stop! I don't want to know! I don't want to hear it! Leave!" Cagalli interjected throwing her pillow at him.

"Cagalli, please calm down." Kira pleaded to his sister, "Or you are going to hurt yourself!"

Cagalli let out a dry laugh. "Heh, I'm beyond being hurt, Kira. I've been in a constant hurt since I can remember so don't tell me that I'm going to hurt myself!" she finished flustered.

"It was…they tried… I didn't want you to find out…at least not yet…" Kira was rambling.

"Get…"Cagalli started with restraint anger, "…Out!" she finished forcefully.

Kira had no choice but to leave the room quietly.

After Kira left Cagalli clutched her sheets and cried into them.

She wasn't sure that she would be able to stand up this time; she was too hurt.

All her feelings were in a knot.

She didn't even know what to feel.

So many things had happened in such a short period of time, that she was just numb.

It may sound cruel if any one heard her say it, but she wasn't sure if she was sad about the loss of her baby.

It was a weird feeling, and that feeling made her feel even worst.

'I'm the worst person in the world.' She thought to herself. 'I should be feeling sad about my baby without a doubt, and yet I am not even sure I feel sad because of that.'

Tears started to roll down her cheeks anew.

"Oh Kira, how was she?" Miriallia asked him concerned.

Kira just shook his head.

Miriallia looked down at her shoes.

The atmosphere was heavy in that sterile white waiting room.

How could that have happened?

Why didn't he put that picture away?

He had to have buried that picture away until Cagalli had her baby.

He was feeling guilty about what had happened to her.

'I was stupid!' he mentally reprimanded himself.

But worrying wasn't going to help his sister stand up again.


	19. Chapter 19

I dunno how this chapter is, but I needed to bring Lacus in, she'll be important to Kira's emotional recovery. I see her as a very motherly figure.

It was during his grieving period that he heard that Kira was in Orb.

It was also during this period of time that he had patched things up with his ex, Lacus Clyne.

"Lacus, would you mind accompanying me to Orb?" he asked her shyly.

She shook her head. "I wouldn't mind at all."

And now he was sitting next to his distraught friend in a hospital waiting room.

"What happened?" he asked Kira.

Kira gave him a weary look and let out a sigh, "It's looooong story."

"Oh Kira, this is Lacus, Lacus Clyne." Athrun suddenly said.

Lacus had been standing on the side like a wallflower until Athrun remembered he had brought her along.

She smiled one of her signature smiles at Kira. "Nice to meet you." She said extending her hand towards him.

"Same here." Said Kira.

He had no idea who this girl was, but he did know one thing, she was beautiful. Once he thought that, he felt the blood rush to his face. He violently shook his head.

"Kira?" Athrun asked a bit confused.

"Oh, ah it's nothing, it was just…um suddenly…I felt a little overwhelmed." He said.

"Do you need to go get some fresh air?"

Kira nodded. "Yea, I think that may help."

"Lacus?" Athrun asked her, implying if she wanted to join them.

She shook her head. "You two go on ahead, I think you have things you want to talk about. The time will come when I can get to know Kira."

Once they were outside Kira let out a deep breath.

"What's wrong?"

"How did you know where to find me?" Kira asked.

"I heard from someone that you were in Orb, and once I arrived here somebody directed me to this hospital, but what exactly are you doing in the hospital?"

"Oh that." Kira was embarrassed to tell his best friend, but yet he also felt like he needed to tell him. "My sister had an abortion."

"Sister?" Athrun asked surprised. He knew Kira ever since they were kids, and Kira had been an only child, and even if he had a sister after they had gone their separate ways, that sister couldn't be older than eleven, because they had separated when they were six, and Kira gave no indication that his mother was expecting.

"Like I said it's a long story." He said.

"Are you willing to talk about it?" Athrun asked.

"I am. Remember what I said when I saw you being brought in onto the Archangel?"

Athrun nodded. 'Not now, my girl friend is missing and she's pregnant!'

"Well for starters, that wasn't my child, she was raped sometime during the war…' At the mention of rape, Atrun felt a little sick, he remembered that girl that he couldn't remember. "Athrun are you feeling ok, you suddenly look sick?" Kira had stopped in mid-narrative when he saw Athrun turn white.

"I'm fine, continue."

"As I was saying, she got pregnant in consequence of that, and after certain circumstances we got together and I offered to take care of her and her baby, but…" Kira swallowed hard, "but I recently discovered that that girl is in fact my twin sister."

Athrun choked.

"Do you realize the magnitude of this? I slept with my own sister!

And to make matters worse, she's my twin!"

Athrun didn't know what to say, he really wasn't good at those sorts of things, so he changed the subject instead.

"So how is she doing, your sister I mean?"

"I don't know, I was the one that told her about her abortion and she kicked me out of the room."

"Maybe Lacus can go talk to her, she's really good at that."

"Athrun, who is Lacus? I know she's a prominent figure over at PLANTs, but what is she to you?"

"She was…she's my ex-fiancé."

Kira and Athrun finished their conversation and proceeded to enter the hospital again.

"Miss Clyne, if it isn't too forward for me to ask, can you please go see my sister? Maybe you can help her?" Kira asked Lacus.

Lacus agreed to go see Cagalli after a brief introduction to what had happened to her.

………………………………………………………………………………………………

Cagalli woke up to see a pink haired girl in her room.

"And who the hell are you?" she asked curtly.

Lacus seemed unfazed by Cagalli's attitude and smiled kindly at her.

"I am Lacus Clyne, nice to meet you."

"I've heard of you, you're Siegel Clyne's daughter, but what are you doing here, in my room?"

"I'm a friend of Athrun, Kira's friend, and they've asked me to come talk to you. Kira thinks you might be feeling lonely."

"Oh sheesh, thanks but no thanks, I'm not going to tell a complete stranger my problems!"

"I understand." Looking around, Lacus commented on trivial things, trying to break the ice between Cagalli and herself.

"I'm sure that you've had a hard time during this war, and maybe you have probably lost the most of everyone…"  
"Look, you…"Cagalli started, angry at the girl, but suddenly she realized that maybe this girl was her chance to let everything go. To be able to express her fears and anxieties.

"Do you think that it's bad that I really didn't feel too sad that I had an abortion?" she asked shyly.

Lacus turned around to look at her. "Was that your reaction to the news?"

Cagalli shook her head. "…And it's been eating into me a lot, I feel like I've been crying a lot over other people's death more than my own unborn child, but as hard as I have tried to cry for him, I just have not been able to find the tears for him."

Lacus looked at her sympathetically. "I can't say I really understand, I've never been a mother, but I think that that child is included in all those tears you've shed for every person that you have lost during this war. It may just feel like your feelings for that child are overshadowed by all the other feelings of lost that you have. I'm sure that if you had been in another circumstance, not during a war, then your feelings would just feel stronger."

"So you think that I have been grieving for my lost child."

Lacus nodded. "I can't say, but I think you worrying about that shows that you care."

"I think,"Cagalli started, "That I need to apologize too many people."

"There will be a time for that." Lacus told her

"Thank you." Cagalli said, "I don't really know you, yet you gave me this feeling of trust and security, like I could tell you anything and you would listen without bias."

"I'm glad I could be of help and I hope that we could become good friends."

"Yeah I hope for that too. Now all I have is myself, and I have to learn to walk again without relying on anybody. I will stop thinking looking for him and just move on with my life."

"Well I think I will take my leave now and let you rest."

"Thank you again. Oh and Lacus can I please ask you for another favor?"

"Yes what is it?"

"Can you take care of Kira for me? In a sense I think he's the one that has it the worse."

"I'll try my best to be a friend to him."

"Thank you." Cagalli said with a smile on her face as Lacus quietly closed the door behind her.


	20. Chapter 20

When Miriallia returned from the hospital's cafeteria she found a few unfamiliar faces accompanying Kira.

"Hello?" she said uncertainly.

Kira blanched. He had not told Athrun that Miriallia had been the girlfriend of the guy he had killed before the raid on the Alaskan base.

"Um, Mir, well I'm sure you remember Athrun, and this is Lacus Clyne." Kira told her.

Miriallia shook her head in recognition of Athrun and to acknowledge Lacus.

"It's nice to meet you." She said.

"Kira, is Cagalli feeling better?" Miriallia asked.

"I think she is, but she's sleeping now."

"Oh"

"Athrun, I need to speak with you in private." Kira suddenly said. He had been debating whether it was a good time to tell Athrun who Miriallia was, and decided that this was a good time as ever to tell him.

Everybody was left a bit surprised by the sudden request.

Once apart from the group, Athrun asked, "Uh sure, what is it?"

"I don't know if this is a good time to say this or not, but that girl, Miriallia was the girlfriend of my friend Tolle, he was on that Skygrasper you destroyed after I destroyed the Blitz Gundam."

It was Athrun's turn to have the blood from his face drain.

The last thing he had imagined was to find in the flesh a person he had directly hurt during the war.

"What should I do?" he asked Kira.

Kira shrugged, "I'll leave you alone for a while, so you can sort things out."

Athrun nodded.

Kira walked back into the waiting room with mix feelings. On the one hand he felt he had taken a huge load of himself by telling Athrun who Miriallia was for now it was up to Athrun, but he also felt like he was going to be in the middle of a very uncomfortable situation.

A moment after, a sick-looking Athrun walked into the room, he threw Kira a look, and called Miriallia over to the side.

Miriallia was a bit surprised by Athrun's sudden summons, for they had hardly ever crossed any words during his stay on the Archangel, but she followed him anyway.

She gave him a quizzical look, waiting for his words.

He couldn't bring himself to look at her, but he felt her eyes burning through him.

He finally mustered enough courage to look at her.

"I want you to know that I am truly and deeply sorry for the wrongs that I have committed against you, and I know that no amount of words will ever make that right, but this is all I can offer."

Miriallia looked at him confused.

"Why are you apologizing? Everybody got hurt by this war, there is no need to apologize to me."

Athrun shook his head.

"I wish it were that simple, but I do have to apologize to you. I never imagined that I would face one of my victims face-to-face, but I did and I have to apologize."

"I still don't understand we were all victims here. I don't know how I am any different from any of the crew members on the Archangel?"

"I…it was I who destroyed that Skygrasper your boyfriend was in. Kira just told me."

It was as if a bucket of cold water had been dumped on her.

She had that nagging feeling that maybe that was what Athrun wanted to say, but it wasn't until he had said it that the realization hit her.

"It…it was you?" she asked incredously, her voice broken by tears.

Athrun looked at his feet.

Miriallia couldn't take it any longer and ran from him.

Kira had been seeing everything from where he stood, and saw when Miriallia ran from Athrun. She looked dazed, confused and then before she reached him, she collapsed.

Kira ran towards his fallen friend and picked up her limp body. Athrun came right after her and asked Kira concerned, "Is she alright?"

Kira turned his head up to look at him, "I guess it was just too much."

"Hmmm." Athrun accented.

"I think it would be better if you left for now." Kira said.

"Yeah, I think you might be right. I'll come see you another time."

"I'll be expecting you." Said Kira while still holding Miriallia.

"O.K. then, I'll see you later. Please when she wakes up, tell her again how sorry I am."

"I will don't worry."

"Lacus, we should get going."

"It was nice meeting you, Kira. Maybe we can converse some more at a better time."

"Yeah, I would like that. Give me a call, or I'll call you."

Lacus nodded.

They turned around and left the hospital.


	21. Chapter 21

Cagalli had been sleeping when she heard a commotion coming from outside her door.

She looked out the window and saw a couple of faces that she did not recognize.

She couldn't make out what they were saying, but it seemed like somebody had collapsed.

Cagalli was about to turn around and try to get back to sleep when the head of a blue haired young man caught her attention.

She stayed staring at his profile.

'Wow, I wonder who he is, he's pretty good looking.' She asked herself.

And as if he could feel her looking at him he turned around to look into the room.

'Ah crap!' Cagalli mentally reprimanded herself, and was going to throw the sheets over her face when something caught her eye.

'No, it can't be?' she thought, 'Can it be…him?'

It was as if she could feel those were the eyes of the same person.

Those eyes that were looking at her, and yet not seeing her at all had the same melancholy expression as the eyes that haunted her.

'It is him!' she thought excitedly.

She saw as he shook his head at someone and motioned to somebody else.

It was then that she registered what was going to; he was leaving!

She immediately tore the I.V. needle out of her arm and jumped out of her bed trying to catch up to him, but in her confusion she tripped over her I.V. and by the time she managed to reach the door, he was gone from sight.

"It was him! It was him!" she screamed as she scrambled out into the now empty hallway.

Kira who had been told by a nurse to move Miriallia into a room, hearing the shouts pocked his head out of the doorway to find a very distraught Cagalli on the floor crying and bleeding.

Kira ran to his sister's side and anguished asked what was wrong.

"Kira, I saw him! He was here! I saw him!"

"Cagalli calm down, you saw who?" Kira asked as he coaxed her to stand up and return to her bed while the doctors came to help him out.

"Him, Kira! Him!" she screamed out.

"Cagalli you're not making any sense."

By then the doctors had put Cagalli back in her bed and had applied some sedatives.

"It was him…." Were the last words she said as she fell asleep again.

"I wonder what could have caused such a reaction in her?" the doctor asked.

Kira shook his head, "Is she going to be alright doctor?"

The doctor nodded her head, "She'll be fine. She re-opened her wound, but we have controlled the hemorrhage. Now all she needs is rest and limited movement in order for her wound to completely heal."

"Thank you Dr. Mikamura."

"That is my job." She said as she left Kira alone in the waiting room.

'What could have caused that?' he asked himself, and hen he realized something, 'It was him! Kira, I saw him! He was here! I saw him!'

His eyes opened wide, could it be, 'He' had been in the hospital?

But who was 'he'? And where did Cagalli see him, had he been to her room?

The only people Kira remembered seeing where Lacus and Athrun.

"Oh Cagalli, who did you see?" he asked rhetorically at his sister's sleeping form from outside the window.

I would wonder if anybody would even guess who the doctor is…she's not some made up character, I'm not much of a fan of doing that in a fanfic, but whatever, she's Rain Mikamura from G-Gundam, lol…as I was writing this, she just popped up in my head…oh well just some useless trivia there..


	22. Chapter 22

A few hours later Cagalli regained consciousness.

Kira was sitting on a chair besides her bed.

"Kira?" she called softly.

"Hmmm?" he mumbled as he struggled to open his eyes.

"Kira!"

Now he was finally awake.

"Oh Cagalli how are you feeling?" he asked, worried.

"I think I'm better now, it was just that I was so shocked to see him here."

"Um, Cagalli, who is 'he'?" Kira asked.

" 'He?' he was here, I swear, I'd be able to recognize those green eyes anywhere!"

Kira gulped. "Green eyes?" he asked shakily.

Cagalli frantically shook her head.

"Whoever raped you had green eyes?" he asked more cautious this time, he was beginning to get a dreadful feeling in his gut.

Cagalli nodded again, and Kira felt like dying, but before he could curse his friend, Cagalli spoke up again.

"Kira there is something I have to tell you. It's something that I am very embarrassed to admit, but I have to tell you."

"What is it?" Kira asked.

"I have lied to everyone. I was so ashamed about what I had done that I just went along with the flow, but now I have to admit to something, I wasn't raped."

Kira was left speechless. "What?" he croaked.

"I wasn't raped. I was so lonely that given the opportunity I threw myself at the first guy that would let me. It was an act of desperation, and I was so ashamed that when Miriallia gave me that lie on a silver platter I took it shamelessly."

"So, it wasn't rape?"

"No, if I have to say, I'd say it was me who raped him." She said half-jokingly.

Kira couldn't help but laughing at that comment. "That's funny Cagalli, it's a funny thought you 'raping' Ath…" he stopped.

Cagalli was looking at him intensely, "Kira you know him? Tell me!"

"I uh…yes I know him. He was a friend of mine from when I was studying on the moon, and after the war started I found him again, but we were fighting on different sides of the war."

"Kira…?"

"What?"

"Please, don't tell him anything."

"Huh, why?"

"I want to let all this in the past, and I want to get to know this guy without any strings attached. I don't know if he remembers me, but maybe he doesn't, since I really couldn't remember him either."

"I don't think I really understand your logic, but I'll respect your decision. I won't be the one telling Athrun anything. It's up to you if you want to tell him everything later."

"Thank you Kira, I knew you'd understand. Oh and by the way, his name is Athrun? That's a funny name."

Kira raised an eyebrow, "Well 'Cagalli' is not a very normal or beautiful name you know."

"Haha, very funny Kira."

"I'm just being honest."

"Yeah, honesty. Kira, there's something else I've been meaning to tell you."

"Huh, what is it now?"

"I think that Flay would want me to tell you this since she was unable to do it herself."

At the mention of Flay, Kira felt his heart tighten.

After discovering that Cagalli was his sister, the romantic feelings he had for her subsided considerably, and in the process, the feelings he had buried for Flay had resurfaced, since really he had never stopped liking Flay.

"We had a lot of time to get to know each other, and we had a heart to heart conversation about all the stupid things we did. Did you know that she was worried that nobody would cry for her if she died. She thought that because she had been such a little bitch she would be easily forgotten."

Kira had tears overflowing from his purple eyes, "There is no way that I could ever forget her."

"I know, and I told her that too, but that's not really what I wanted to say, this is much more important."

"What?"

"She wanted to apologize. She knew that she'd hurt you, and she later realized how stupid she had been. To say the truth, she really did learn to like you, but by the time she realized that, it was too late."

Both siblings were crying by now.

In the end there were no true villains, only people desperate to achieve their own goals at any cost, and that was what they were all looking for.

"Kira I have to apologize too. I didn't know what to do with myself, and so I decided to dump all my problems on people. I am really sorry for that."

Kira just shook his head, "I think we all wanted to dump our problems on others. None of us were ready to face the atrocities of that war."

"Maybe your right, but I still want to apologize."

Cagalli had resolved it all by herself.

She had regained the strength that she had lost since the beginning of the war, and was ready to start anew and walk forward with out ever looking back.


	23. Chapter 23

Well he'd disappeared for a looong while from this story, so he's gonna make a cameo…

Plz bear w/ me, the time is almost here fro their reunion…

Thanx 4 ur reviews..they make me very happy, but can u plz go check out my other stories? I have 2 other Gundam seed, as well as a couple of Rurouni Kenshin, I'd greatly appreaciate it if u can tell me what u think about those…please and thank you.

He had been like a shadow, not brave enough to face her.

He had been hiding from all his friends, but it was enough.

Tonight was the night.

He had to talk to her.

Ever since they had gone their separate ways, they had not crossed words with each other; apparently they both thought that was the best, because it would feel awkward.

But then, there were some things he wanted to say to her.

It was after visiting hours, so he sneaked into the room.

"What took you so long?" she asked.

He didn't answer.

"I'd seen you, and I was wondering when you were going to show yourself."

"Please forgive me, but I didn't want anyone to see me here."

"Hmmm, I don't know why you're hiding, but anyway, what's up?"

"Not much, I'm trying to move along with my life, but it hasn't been easy."

"Trust me, it's not going to be easy."

"I know, I know."

"So what brings you here?"

"I've been wanting to apologize."

"You apologize to me? It should be the other way around, but I'm glad you are here, there is something I have been wanting to say to you."

"What is it?"

"It's someone else's apology. This apology comes from the deepest regions of someone's heart, someone who is no longer with us."

"…"

"It's from Flay. She wanted to tell you this when we returned to the Archangel, but since she is no longer with us, I am sure she would still like you to know this: she's sorry for what she did to you. 'He was a good person, he didn't deserve what I did to him, and I did like him too, but my feelings for revenge were stronger than my feelings for him.' That's what she said. She also wanted to patch things up with you, if you would give her another chance. I just wanted you to know that that girl changed from her whiny selfish self, and she truly repented for what she'd done, and she wanted to apologize."

He had lowered his head so that his tears wouldn't show.

"Sai?" Cagalli inquired.

He shook his head and wiped his tears. "Thank you for telling me this. That was one thing I always wondered about, did Flay even like me? But now I know she did in her own way. Thank you, Cagalli."

Now it was Cagalli's turn to shake her head, "It was nothing. I know Flay wanted to tell you this herself, but I think that now she'll be truly able to rest in peace."

"I really do hope so."

"You liked her a lot, didn't you?"

"Yes, I did."

"Well then, I guess we can all start moving forward now, and maybe we can be friends?" Cagalli said.

He nodded, "Yes, friends."

They shook hands.

"And now you don't have to hide when you come visit, but I think I'll be released soon."

"I won't hide anymore. I wanted to first talk to you, that's why I hadn't shown my face around to the others while in this hospital."

She rolled her eyes; "Well you should get going before they catch you here."

"Yes, and thank you again."

"Nah, I should be thanking you."


	24. Chapter 24

Sorry for the wait…I was trying to make this good, and I rewrote this chapter like 3 times..and still I don't thing it's that great..but anyway hope u enjoy it a little..don't worry I'll try to update sooner…and fix whatever u guys don't like…so just bear w/ me a little longer, im almost done…thank you!

Their reunion was normal.

Everything about their relationship was normal; he did not remember her at all.

Sometimes she felt sad about that, but most of the time she was glad that he didn't remember their first meeting.

She was embarrassed.

He was a different person from what she'd imagine, or even felt that fateful night.

He seemed calmer, more serene that how she had felt him on her body that night long ago.

He was a nice guy, maybe a little insecure, but nice none the least.

She felt like she could really come to love him, a real love, not like what she had felt for him all along which was a combination of platonic love bordering on obsession.

They became good friends, and spend a lot of their free time together, but things happen and they sometimes don't work the way you'd like them to.

She had to take charge of her country after her father's death, and he decided to resume his military career, putting the entire atmosphere between them.

She was saddened, but she stood strong.

Never again would she be weak and try to do all the stupid things she'd done in her short life in order to deal with loneliness.

Never again, because she now knew that she had friends in whom she could rely.

"Cagalli, are you going to be ok?" Kira asked her after he'd left.

"Yeah, I'm ok, I will miss him, but the world doesn't stop because we want to. We all have responsibilities now." She said, a bit sadly.

She missed her childhood. The times when she could act as spoiled as she wanted, and not worry because her father was the one who ruled. He was in charge of all the important decisions, but now, all those responsibilities were on her shoulders.

And it was because of those responsibilities that now two years later she was about to get married to man she disliked with all her might.

"Ah, why did I ever agree to this?" she kept asking herself as she had her wedding dress fitted.

Yuna was, to say the least, a nuisance.

He was spoiled and bossy, and even though he swore he loved her, she didn't quite believe him. He loved her power.

"Kira, if he was even a bit good-looking, this whole ordeal would be so much easier to go through with." She whined to her twin.

"Cagalli, whining to me won't change anything. If you don't want to do it, don't. This is your country to rule, and you definitely don't need some guy by your side."

"Kira, you know, I think I am not going to marry Yuna."

"If that's how you feel, then stop this ridiculous wedding before it ruins your life."

Ruining her life was the last thing she wanted to do.

In her 18 years of life she's commited so many mistakes that she didn't want to commit her greatest one.

Marrying Yuna was a mistake.

And yet….


	25. Chapter 25

It had been two years since he'd left her.

Two years since something about her bugged him.

She felt familiar.

But that was just in his head.

From where would he know her?

She was not a soldier, and he'd only met one girl during the war, and that had been '_her' _ and '_she'_ was not Cagalli, but still, he couldn't shake that familiarity away.

"Ah, I don't even know why this is bothering me so much two years later!" he exclaimed out loud.

"Talking to yourself now Athrun?" a mocking voice asked.

He spun around to see his old acquaintance, Dearka, standing by the doorway.

"Dearka, what are you doing here?"

"Just passing by, but then I heard you talk, so what is this that doesn't let you sleep for the past two years?"

"Nothing that concerns you."

"Don't tell me, it's that girl? Sheesh, you don't know who the hell she is and still she haunts your dreams?"

He shook his head. "It's not _that_ girl."

And it was half the truth. He hadn't really thought of her in the two years that had passed since then.

"Oh my god, then you are cheating on Meyrin!"

"What!? Where did you get that idea from? It is nothing like that!"

"Ok, sorry for even thinking that, it's just that how should I put this…you two don't look all that loving, in a romantic sort of way."

"Dearka, what would you know anyway? But I guess you're right, I'm not really sure what I feel for Meyrin."

"Dude, do I always have to tell you what to do in these situations?" Dearka asked mocking annoyance.

"I wasn't asking for advice. I'm not saying that I'm not happy with Meyrin, besides it's not like we are going to marry, in that case I could go on loving Meyrin any way I can."

"Um, yeah whatever makes you feel better, but if you don't like her that way, just break up. You two can still be friends after since you were friends before."

"Look I am not in the mood to receive love advice from you."

"Ok, but before I let you be, can I ask you one simple little question about your relationship with Meyrin?"

"I'm scared, but what is it?"

"Have you two even kissed?"

Athrun gave him a blank stare, "What?"

"I knew it. Dude really, just break up with the girl." And with that, Dearka walked away.

What Dearka said left him thinking.

He'd been going out with Meyrin for a couple of months now, but he couldn't bring himself to be too intimate with her.

Maybe it was because she was two years younger than him, but for some reason, even though he liked her he hadn't even kissed her.

Their relationship was as chaste as they came, but also since Meyrin wasn't pushy, he felt comfortable.

It seemed that neither of them was ready to become any more intimate than just holding hands with each other.

But maybe it was that he was inexperienced in the whole relationship field. Given, he was eighteen, and no longer a virgin, but he hadn't had a steady relationship with anyone before Meyrin, and it was the same for her. Both of them were beginners when it came to those types of matters.

And then, there was his best friend's sister.

It wasn't that he felt any particularly romantic feeling for her, but that nagging feeling that he knew her from somewhere didn't allow him to completely eradicate her form his mind.

"Maybe I should go see her, that may help ease this uneasy feeling." He told himself.

As he was debating what he should do, there was a knock on his door.

"Come in.," he said.

The door opened and there stood a red haired girl that was his girlfriend.

"Hello." She said with a smile on her face.

"Hello." He said a bit absent-minded.

"Are you feeling alright? You have a funny look on your face." She told him.

"Oh? Yes I'm fine, it was that I was thinking, Meyrin, since I have a couple of days off coming up, would you like to accompany me to visit some old friends on Earth?" he asked her suddenly. He hadn't really thought of taking her, but now that he's invited her, it seemed like the right thing to do.

"Earth? Yes of course I would love to!" she exclaimed happily.

"Well then, it's settled."

"I have to tell Lunamaria now." She said.

He smiled at her.

She was always smiling and every time he saw her, he couldn't help but smile too.

It was settled; he would go to Orb and confront her.

He needed to know if she had been the girl from that fateful night, and if she was he didn't know how their relationship would change.

But he was ready.


	26. Chapter 26

And yet…she lost her nerve for some reason.

'Maybe I will learn to love that idiot.' She told herself.

As she was walking to tell Yuna the wedding was off, a thought crept into her mind.

'But if I don't do that, maybe I'll never find anyone for me. I know Yuna is not the ideal man, but maybe, just maybe I can learn to love him, If I try harder, I know I can, or at least I will get used to him being by my side. It will be stupid of me to throw this wedding.'

And it was because of that thought that the wedding plans were still strong.

She tried not to think about her imminent future as the wife on Yuna Roma Seiran, she couldn't think of what it would be like to wake up to him very morning, and then because of all those mixed and jumbled thoughts, she once again made a wrong decision.

Yuna was not any woman's ideal man, but he had money, so even if he was scum, he still had girls all over him.

He liked women, and Cagalli knew that too.

In reality, she was too boyish for him, and he only wanted her for her position, and Cagalli knew that too, and then she had an idea.

'I need to know if I could do this the rest of my life.' She told herself, and that is why in the middle of all those wedding plans, she decided to give herself to Yuna before the wedding.

Kira was going to be gone for two weeks to visit Lacus over at PLANTs, so she didn't have to worry about he interfering.

The other people at the palace were easier to control.

The day Kira left for PLANTs Cagalli dressed herself as much as she could as a man and headed into town to buy some provoking lingerie.

She needed to know if she could handle Yuna touching her, and she would try for two whole weeks to have him come onto her every night, or however many times he'd like.

It was a necessary evil. It was all in the name of her country. That was the reason she was marrying. Or at least that was what she tried to convince herself about.

She finally reached her destination, 'Again I ask myself, what am I doing here?' but that wasn't enough to deter her as with one last deep sigh she proceeded to enter the place.

Immediately there was an assistant by her side.

"What can I help you with?" she asked.

She turned to look at the assistant, "Um…yeah…can I see the most…um provocative items you own?" she finally managed to say.

"Sure, right this way. So is it for your girlfriend, or wife?" the girl asked.

"Um…girlfriend?" she said uncertainly, at least they thought she was a guy.

She stood surrounded by things that couldn't possibly be called clothing, since they really covered nothing, and she thought, "What kind of 'clothing' would interest Yuna?'

Finally after much rummaging she took what she found Yuna would enjoy the most an almost ran out of there.

'This better work since I just wasted a lot of money on this!' she thought angrily as she entered the palace quickly.

Once she reached her room she locked the door and spread all of her load on her bed.

Which one to use for that night?

Finally after much thinking and many urges to vomit, she decided on a red motif for the first night.

'Oh god, help me.' She thought to herself as she left the bath and proceeded to dress herself with all that lingerie.

It was already eleven at night and the palace was quiet when she left the safety of her room and headed towards Yuna's.

She was feeling so uncomfortable, the so-called clothes were uncomfortable, she wanted to run away and forget about her crazy ideas, but it was too late. Just as she was turning to leave, she heard footsteps coming down the hallway. There was no time for her to get to her room without being noticed, so she had no option but to open Yuna's door and slip in.

She felt like a deer trapped in headlights as she stood up against the wall, waiting to hear the guard's steps die away so she could exit the room, but just as she was about to leave, Yuna woke up.

"Cagalli?" he asked a bit incredulously as he rubbed the sleep out of his eyes. It was true; Cagalli was standing by his door wearing red lingerie.

"What the…?"He asked, as she stood there petrified.

"Oh Yuna!" she exclaimed, regaining some of her composure.

"Cagalli, what are you doing here?" he asked, a bit confused.

"I…I just couldn't wait until our wedding to be yours, and since Kira will be gone for the next two weeks I decided this was the best time to do this!"

He was more than a little surprised to hear that. He'd never thought of Cagalli as much of a girl, but there she was, literally throwing herself at him, wearing nothing more than some red lingerie. He couldn't refuse that. No way. It didn't even matter to him if what she said was true or not, if she wanted to have sex with him that bad, he would grant her wish.

She didn't even need to play seduction because before she could even react, he had thrown her on his bed and was furiously clawing at her like a hungry beast.

Cagalli was like a rag doll, not reacting to his touch, his kisses, but he seemed not to care.

Cagalli was better looking than he had given her credit for.

In a matter of minutes he had Cagalli naked under him, and was ready to enter her, but it was then that Cagalli put some resistance.

But once again he seemed not to care, as just as easily he spread her legs and finally consummated the act.

It hurt.

She hadn't had sex for two years, and it hurt, but it wasn't the physical pain the one the brought the tears out; it was the emotional one.

She couldn't do it.

She couldn't.

His touch incited no emotion from her body, all it did was repulse her, and yet, the next night she was in the same position.

And this went on for the two weeks that Kira was gone, and still, something had not changed.

She would never love Yuna.

Uh oh..she's back to her old self destructive ways…or not…don't worry…she won't stray from the right path 4 too long…


	27. Chapter 27

Hahahaha...yeah she's lost it alright…but everything's gonna be fine, oh and yeah…that was disturbing, but it was all a plot builder…

It was ironic.

Athrun was preparing to leave to Earth when one day while visiting Lacus, Kira arrived.

"Kira?"

"Athrun, it's been a while."

"It has, I was about to leave to Orb tomorrow."

"Well can you wait? I'm going back in two weeks."

Athrun made a few calls and everything was settled. He would push his trip to Orb back for two weeks.

"So what have you been up to?" he asked Kira.

"Not much, I've been acting like a baby sitter to Cagalli, and in my free time I come to visit Lacus."

"Ah, visit Lacus huh? I knew that it was a bad idea having you two meet." He joked.

Kira gave him a light slap on the back. "And what about you?"

"Me? I've gone up the ranks in Zaft, I am now in their special division, Faith, and I started going out with a girl from my same division."

"I see you're doing well."

"I am, oh Kira, I don't know if it would be a big deal, but I was planning on bringing Meyrin over to Orb. Oh and Meyrin, that's her name."

"It's no problem, why would you think that?"

"I don't know, but it might be rude to just pop up unexpectedly and on top of that bringing a guest."

"Don't worry about it."

But Kira was a little worried.

How was Cagalli going to react?

He knew how much she missed him, and how much she had wanted to see him for the past two years, and didn't know how she would react to him bringing a girlfriend.

But he was about to find out.

Before the two weeks were up, Lacus informed Kira that she could accompany him to Orb, so they all packed their bags sooner than expected and headed towards Orb.

Lacus and Meyrin hit it off instantly.

Meyrin being a big fan of her.

Kira had kept silent about Cagalli's wedding, hoping that maybe one of these people could bring her back to her senses.

"Ah!" Cagalli let out a scream when she saw Kira walk in to the palace.

He was a week too early, and she had made a deal with Yuna to sleep with him for two weeks.

Now what was she going to do?

Yuna wasn't going to back down just because of that.

"I'm glad that you are excited to see me." Kira told her.

"I…I'm surprised not excited you idiot!" she retorted.

"But why are you back so soon?"

"Um Lacus had some free time and she wanted to come visit you."

"So where is she?" she asked impatiently.

She wanted to see Lacus, and maybe Lacus could give her some sane advice since it was obvious to her that she still was not as strong as she had thought.

"Ok guys, you can come in." Kira said.

'Guys?' she thought, who else was with Lacus?

With Lacus, Cagalli saw _him_, and then with _him_ she saw a pretty red-haired girl holding his hand.

She gulped.

She didn't understand what she was feeling.

Suddenly she wanted to cry.

She felt that while Yuna was invading her every night for the next two weeks he was happily holding hands with this unknown girl. It was unreasonable, she knew, but she couldn't help it.

She knew that she had brought that abuse upon herself, yet it was so much easier to blame her misery on their apparent happiness.

"Welcome." She said, placing a smile on her face.

She found out that the girl's name was Meyrin, and no matter how hard she tried to hate her for 'stealing' the one person she fantasized about, she couldn't.

Meyrin was too nice to hate, and she really couldn't blame the girl for that.

It wasn't anyone's fault that she was in the situation she was in, and that was what made her angrier.


	28. Chapter 28

Everything was going wrong.

She was feeling left out in the middle of everyone's happiness.

Suddenly she couldn't stand seeing Kira and Lacus so happy and committed to each other, and she definitely didn't like seeing Meyrin and _him_ together.

It was sickening, and what made her even sicker was the apparent chastity of those relationships.

In all her life she had never had a chaste relationship, all the ones she had had ended up in some guy's bed, and that was what hurt her the most.

She wanted to just be loved for who she was, and not have to worry about sleeping with the guy.

She wished she could go back to before everything happened, to before she had lost her virginity to a guy that seemed to have forgotten all about her, to a time when she could be spoiled because she would always have her father to clean up her mess.

Oh she wished she were stronger on the inside, because she had discovered the hard way that her apparent strength was all a lie, again.

And then, one night, she finally managed to take a stand against Yuna.

"Enough! I've had enough of this!"

"What the hell are you talking about?" He retorted angrily.

"I can't do this anymore! I can't!"

"What are you saying? It was you that came onto me, or have you forgotten? You threw yourself at me like the little slut you are!"

Slap!

All her contained fury came out in that one slap.

" You…bitch!" and he slapped her back; "No little whore will ever place her hands on me!"

"Listen to me you creep! And listen well," she told him in a dangerously low voice, "I know that you are a coward and you don't want Kira to find out about this! I know that you are scared of him!"

And she was right. Yuna was mortally afraid of Kira.

"You wouldn't dare to say anything about this, bitch!"

"Oh would you like to find out?"

"Ok, I won't say anything, but this wedding is still on." He sneered and left her room.

She felt weak, all her energy had left her, but at least her nightmare had ended for the time being.

Still, he was right, the wedding was on.

After that night, she avoided Yuna as much as she could, and tried to keep herself occupied with her visitors.

"Marriage?" Lacus asked surprised.

"Yeah, I'm getting married this weekend." She said un-enthusiastically.

"You don't seem very happy about that marriage."

"Oh Lacus, I don't know what to do anymore. I don't want to marry, it's only a political wedding, and yet why am I still doing this?"

Lacus gave her an apologetic look. "I am afraid I don't have the answer, but look deep inside you and you will find your answer."

She shook her head, and for the remainder of the week she thought and thought about the reason why even though she knew she'd be very miserable she couldn't bring herself to stop the wedding.

And finally on the night before her wedding, she woke up in a frenzy with her answer.

"Oh my god!" she exclaimed.

It was such a simple and pathetic excuse that she wanted to cry.

It was because she was afraid of being alone.

When she saw Kira's relationship with Lacus moving along fairly well, she started to feel like she was about to be left behind and she started to get desperate that was when the opportunity to marry Yuna popped up.

She'd rather be tied to Yuna the rest of her life than feel left out.

Loneliness was a scary thing and she had a feeling that she'd never be able to find somebody to share the rest of her life with because of her position being the ruler of Orb.

That was why she had decided not to be alone anymore even if she was still miserable.


	29. Chapter 29

I hope this wasn't too confusing…

She was so lost.

Even with the realization that once again loneliness was clouding her judgment, Saturday morning came too soon for her.

She was frantic, the realization she had the night before had shaken her to the core, but still, she couldn't bring herself to stop the wedding.

What was she still doing?

She was angry with herself for not being able to come out and stop her own wedding because once again she was depending on someone else to get her out of a mess that she had created.

Once again she was hoping for somebody to come clean her mess like someone had always done in the past.

'Why!? Why am I so weak!? When did I go wrong?' she asked herself as tears rolled down her cheeks.

She was stuck in the past.

No matter how hard she had tried to convince herself that she was ready to face adulthood, she wasn't. She was still an immature, scared little girl that wanted to run and hide before facing her fears and problems. She was always looking for someone's warm embrace, instead of resolving her problems on her own.

Kira had become her baby sitter after she returned to Orb and took charge of the government. He had tried to convince her that her marriage with Yuna was a very bad idea, and yet she decided to ignore her brother.

She remembered that day so clearly, the day she had told Kira she would marry Yuna.

'You what? Cagalli have you lost your mind? You cannot marry someone like him!' Kira had said.

She remembered being angry with him.

'_Oh yeah how can you tell me what is wrong or right, or who is good fro me when you are so happily having Lacus by your side! Why can't you let me be happy too!'_ she remembered thinking.

'And why not Kira? I'm not some little girl that you need to protect you know! I know what I'm doing!' she had yelled at him instead.

Kira had given her a weary look, 'I do hope you know what you are doing.' And he had left her alone.

Coming out of her reverie, she decided to go get some fresh air before they came to dress her for her wedding.

Thinking about the past was not going to fix her present or imminent future.

She silently slipped out of the palace and went to stroll the gardens.

Meyrin woke up early that Saturday morning and went to see if Athrun was up.

Luckily for her, he was.

"Good Morning Athrun." She said as she knocked and slowly opened the door to his room.

"Good morning Meyrin." He said turning to smile at his girlfriend.

"I was wondering if you'd like to take a stroll in the gardens before we have to get ready for the wedding?" she asked.

He'd notice that he could never refuse a request from Meyrin, but still he wasn't sure what kind of love he felt for her.

"That would be great, just let me get ready and I'll meet you in the living room in five minutes."

"Ok." She said turning to leave so that he could change.

He quickly dressed and went out to meet the girl.

"You know, I wish that Luna could see this, it's so pretty."

"It is."

"It gives me a very peaceful feeling." She said half closing her eyes and taking in a deep breath.

"It does, it's different from all the norms and regulations we have to follow in FAITH."

"And sometimes I wonder why I joined the military." She said mostly to herself.

He said nothing, but smiled.

Lately he'd been smiling a lot, and suddenly he gently grabbed her shoulders surprising her with a kiss on the forehead.

"Oh?" she said surprised.

"I apologize." He said quickly pulling away.

She shook her head and gave him a hug.

While strolling the gardens she came to a scene that made her realize something.

She hid behind the rose bushes when she heard two voices that belonged to Athrun and Meyrin.

They seemed so happy together that it made her jealous, especially seeing them so happy on the day of her wedding.

Suddenly she saw when he gently placed a kiss on her forehead, and that was when she realized it.

That was such a lonely kiss.

No matter how much they seemed to be happy, that kiss seemed so lonely.

Like they were close yet very far away.

Suddenly, even though they were a very loving couple, they didn't seem like a couple at all. To her they seemed more like a pair of very intimate friends.

That realization made the tears come out again.

It was such a sad feeling for her to realize that love was not really what she had imagined, love didn't magically fix problems like she'd thought all along, and that love came in many different forms.

"Do you like me?"

"I do, I like you a lot."

Like.

Not love.

Maybe they were too young for love, but those words that she heard while standing behind the rose bushes just gave her a certain sense of peace.

She had been looking for love all along thinking that was what mattered, but the most unlikely pair had showed her what love really meant.

They had not used the clichéd 'do you love me?' to express their feelings, they didn't need to, because it wasn't a romantic love, but maybe the kind of love they shared was even better.

She wanted that.

Somebody with whom she could be friends with before anything else.


	30. Chapter 30

Ok b4 I get some weird comments I want to clarify some things…1st of all, Cagalli's little internal monologue, u know about Meyrin & Athrun's relationship, well I kinda got that idea from Boy Meets World, it may sound wierd, but the whole idea of them being friends, it's just that I've never seen them as the romantic type of couple, and in Boy Meets World, if u guys saw it, eventho Corey loved Topanga, if it ever came down to choosing between Topanga and Shawn, ultimately he would chose his best friend over his life time lover. What I'm trying to say is that love may or may not last forever, lovers may come and go, but best friends are here to stay. So I hope that clarifies the Meyrin/Athrun relationship.

'Why can't I be loved? Why can't I love back?' That question kept playing in her head as Kira walked her down the aisle.

As she walked she turned to see all the familiar faces of her friends, those faces that had gone through hell just like her, and yet those faces held happiness, something that she hadn't been able to find herself, and that she so desperately wanted.

Was she that unattainable? Was she so high up that normal men wouldn't even dare to look at her, so that she ended having to choose from a bunch of aristocratic idiots?

Just as she felt the desperation was going to get the best of her, her eyes locked with his.

In an instant she felt a lot calmer, she didn't know why, but ever since he had come into her life he unknowingly had been the cause of pain for her, but also of ease. Whenever she saw his face, she felt calm; maybe it was because for the last two years of her life she had held to his memory as if her life depended on it.

She felt like in order to keep her sanity, and not be overwhelmed by her lonely feeling at seeing everyone move on with their lives, she held to her obsession of him as a survival tool which had worked only half the time, since they really didn't have much of a relationship to begin with.

But at that moment, looking at those green eyes that had haunted her for so long, she saw something she had overlooked.

His eyes held no more pain, all that pain she had seen that night long ago was gone, and in its place she saw serenity, his whole demeanor was different. He no longer looked tense; he too had learned to move on.

He smiled at her, a warm, yet uncertain smile, as if he was telling her, _'I'm not sure you are doing the right thing, but I'm still with you.'_

She smiled back. Her smile said 'Thank you for worrying about me.'

Why was she the only one left behind?

She didn't have an answer.

And then her eyes landed on her, the girl standing next to him.

The girl had a radiant smile on her face, a sincere smile of wanting the best for a complete stranger.

It was no wonder that he had been drawn to her, but again she had that feeling that they weren't all that romantic towards each other.

And then she understood why it seemed that everyone's trouble's seemed to be lifted.

Everyone needed someone that would be there for them unconditionally, but that didn't necessarily mean that they had to share romantic feelings, it only meant that there was someone there that you knew you could always count on, and that was what was missing from her life.

She had Kira, and her brother would do the unimaginable for her, but family didn't count, because everyone needs someone who would love you with no strings attached. Needed someone who had no obligation to love her, and yet they did.

"That kiss…" she whispered.

"Huh, you said something Cagalli?" Kira asked, bringing her back to reality.

"Uh, oh no." she said shaking her head.

That kiss in the garden, it wasn't a lonely kiss like she had originally thought, it was a friendly one. She had been so hell bent on finding love, that if she saw two people together, she expected them to be overtly physical and showing their 'love' outwardly.

But that kiss was not to confirm his undying love for her, but to confirm their friendship.

With that kiss he confirmed his devotion to her, like only a friend can. He was giving her permission to know all of his secrets, his pains and heartaches, to always be there for each other.

To him, the most important person in the world would be her, because that's how important friends were.

In a matter of seconds she had straightened her messed up life.

And now, she was going to start by looking for that one friend that she could completely trust and know that that friend would put her before anything and anyone else.

She smiled, and turned to Kira.

"I'll be ok now."

"If you say so. " and with that he handed her over to Yuna.

Err, how should I say this, I'm not even sure you'll like this chapter, kinda philosophical there, and it may be confusing, but I liked writing it, sorry I took so long updating, but I wanted to write a deep and engaging chapter, cus that's why I write facfics to begin with, so I just hope u understand my very convoluted explanation as to the Athrun/Meyrin story.


	31. Chapter 31

Once Kira handed Cagalli over to Yuna, he went to sit in his assigned seat. From there he could see that his sister was acting quite strangely.

He saw a mischievous glint in her eyes, something he had never seen before, and truly, it scared him.

'What are you going to do Cagalli?' he asked himself, but he was about to find out.

"Yuna Roma Seiran, do you take Cagalli Yula Attha to be your wife, your friend, your faithful companion to have and to hold from this day forward, for better or for worse, for richer, for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish; from this day forward until death do you part?" the priest asked.

"I do." Said Yuna, triumphantly.

Then the priest turned to ask Cagalli those same things.

Cagalli took a deep breath, "I…don't." she said.

Everybody present gasped.

Yuna was livid.

Kira was laughing, and most people present were in shock.

'So that is what you were planning?' Kira asked in his mind, but while he was being amused by what she'd done, he missed what Yuna did next.

"You…bitch!" Yuna exclaimed as he slapped her across the face, making Cagalli lose her balance and fall to the ground.

He really was livid.

Here she was, on the floor, the woman who had just made a fool out of him.

He wanted to kill her.

"You came to me in the middle of the night, throwing your sorry self at me, and now you decide you don't want to marry!?"

Everybody stayed silent.

"I did, and you don't know how much I regret it. Having you touch me was worse than being burned alive, I'd much rather go through that, than have you touch me again!" she screamed for the whole world to know.

And that was when he lost it.

He launched himself at her and found her exposed neck, which he started to choke.

She couldn't defend herself, and the people by her were being kept in line by some of Yuna's men.

"I thought something like this might happen, so I came prepared." He told her, a maniacal smiled playing on his lips as he saw her desperation in not being able to breathe.

When he saw this, Kira jumped jumped over a couple of seats and reached his best friend.

"Do you have your gun?" he asked him.

His friend stared at him, and nodded slowly.

"Can I borrow it?"

His friend slowly took out his gun and handed it to his friend, "Can I ask, what exactly are you going to do with that gun?"

"I don't know." Kira said truthfully and ran off to get Yuna of his sister.

"What do you think is going to happen?" Meyrin asked.

"I really don't know. Technically, Kira could shake that guy off her easily, but I don't think he wants to endanger the other people who are here with guns pointed at their heads."

And Athrun was right. Kira could easily swat Yuna off Cagalli, but seeing as how crazy he was, he worried about the safety of the others.

The place was in chaos.

Cagalli was turning blue due to lack of air.

"Either you marry me, or I'll have my men kill every men women and child in his place, because nobody makes a fool of me and gets away with it."

But Cagalli never had a chance to respond because at that same moment she lost consciousness.

When Yuna saw this, he quickly let go in a panic.

He really was a coward.

He started apologizing, rambling, and not making much sense.

"You killed my sister!" Kira said dangerously, pointing the gun at Yuna's head.

Yuna gulped.

"It…it wasn't my fault. Y…you heard her, she…she threw herself at me one night, s…she humiliated me…"

But Kira wasn't listening.

"Hey she's still breathing." Athrun told Kira.

Kira turned to see his friend by his sister's side and nodded before turning his attention back toYuna.

"Leave. If I ever see you again, I'll personally kill you." Kira told his with a controlled voice.

Yuna practically ran out of there.

"And you too, all of you are labeled as traitors now." Kira said to Yuna's men.

After he was done, Kira rushed to his sister's side.

"She'll be fine, she only lost consciousness." His friend told him.

He shook his head, "Let's take her to the hospital."


	32. Chapter 32

Once again she woke up to the smell of medications and whitewashed walls.

She could hear the buzz of the nurses and doctors from outside her room.

She rolled her eyes.

What was she doing back here again?

Oh yeah, Yuna went crazy and was choking her.

She sighed.

'_You did bring it upon yourself, Cagalli.'_ She mentally reprimanded herself.

The doctor came by to check on her, "I think that you would be able to leave tomorrow." She said smiling.

"Thank you Dr. Mikamura." Cagalli said smiling back.

"I'll go call your brother." Dr. Mikamura said.

"Can I see everyone?"

Rain turned to look at her, "I think that there might not be enough room for all of them here."

Cagalli laughed, "Ok, but I'm just exited to see everyone!"

"Fine, they can come in to see you. I'll go tell them."

Rain left a smiling Cagalli and headed to the waiting room where all her friends waited.

"Dr Mikamura how is she?" Kira asked as soon as he saw Rain come into view.

"She's just fine. Actually I'm here to tell you that you could go in to see her."

"Oh thank you." Kira said.

"She wanted to see all of you, and it's against hospital policy, but for today I'll let it slide, all of you can go in at once."

Everybody glanced at one another, until Kira said it was ok. "That's her wish."

All her friends went in to the room, but Athrun and Meyrin stayed back.

"You are not coming in?" Kira asked

Athrun shook her head. "She wants to see her friends, and well I think it's an intimate moment, we wouldn't want to intrude on such a private moment."

And Kira couldn't tell him that of all the people there, he probably was the one she wanted to see the most.

"I understand." Said Kira as he walked into the packed room.

But she no longer looked for him.

She was actually happy that he had moved on with his life, just like she was planning to do now, for real this time.

It had been a while since she seen most of those people, and even if it was in a hospital, she was glad to see them all there.

Her stay in the hospital was a short one this time around, and before she knew it, she was back to ruling her country.

He had left and everything was back to normal.

Yeah is short, I know….


	33. Chapter 33

Sorry 4 the extremely looooong time I took updating…but I kinda ran out of steam, don't worry about it, I will finish…but I just don't know when…I already know how it is going to end, and to say the truth, many, if not all will probably not like the path this storry is taking, but oh well…thanx 4 reading it anyway…

Cagalli walked into her office to find a very worn-out looking Sai sitting there.

"Hello." She said.

He turned around and glared at her.

"You evil woman."

"Me? What did I do now?" she asked sweetly.

"I'm tired and I'm sleepy, and I think I haven't showered in about a week, and it's all your fault."

"Ok, about the showering…wait how is any of your problems my fault?"

"You overwork me."

And then they burst out laughing.

When she came out of the hospital she started to put her life back on track, and she had found a very good friend in Sai.

They had become great friends.

"Oh but seriously now, for what I came for, here." He said handing her an envelope.

She took it from his hand and opened it eagerly.

Her eyes grew wide.

"What is it?" he asked concerned.

"It's…they want to… The Earth Federation…it's an invitation for Orb to see if we want to join in their new anti-war tactic."

"Huh anti-war tactic?"

"I mean, war prevention."

"So what is it?" he asked curiously.

"A competition. They are inviting all the countries to unite and join this competition, so instead of fighting a war whenever there is a problem, we let the competition do the talking."

"I still don't quite get it Cagalli."

"It's easy, every four years the best mobile suits pilots from every country participant will compete in this fight until there is only one winner."

"And how is that going to prevent wars? Wouldn't that antagonize the countries more?" "Well I think their theory is that war is caused because one country thinks that they are greater than the rest, so by doing this competition countries will get to prove their worth without actually shedding blood."

"But still, I'm not sure it will work."

"It's worth a shot, though. I mean look what war did to us, if they want to help prevent that, then why not give this idea a chance?"

"So I'm taking it that you are going to sign that?"

"I am. I think that it will be the best for this country."

"And Kira will be the pilot?"

"If he wants to. If he refuses, we're in trouble, but I think he will like to do this, because for once he'd be piloting a mobile suit for fun."

"Well, it might be a good thing."


	34. Chapter 34

Yeah, I guess I am gonna cross over with some other gundam series, but then again, it's gundam so it's not like a total weird cross over….ok im not making any sense, but just know some other gundam characters from other gundam series are gonna pop up.

Cagalli was right.

Kira was thrilled about the idea to be able to pilot a Gundam for fun instead of using it as a weapon.

"That's a good idea." Kira said.

"It is." Cagalli agreed.

The whole world was buzzing with excitement over this new idea.

"Oh my god!" Cagalli exclaimed, making her brother and secretary (also her best friend) rush to her side in a frenzy.

"Cagalli, what's wrong, what is it?!" they asked her panicked.

It took Cagalli a couple of minutes to regain her composure; "Look!" she said shoving the letter in her hands under their noses.

"This…this is…" but before any of them could finish what they were trying to say, Cagalli cut them off.

"Yes! Yes, they want us, Orb, to hold the first ever mobile suits tournament!" She exclaimed frantically.

"So, so, Cagalli what are you, uh, gonna do?" Kira asked.

She glared at him as he had asked the stupidest question ever, "And what do you think I am going to do, Stupid!?"

Kira decided it was better to not open his mouth again.

"Sai, get me on the phone with them right now!" she barked at her secretary.

"Ye…yes ma'am!" he said rushing off in he direction of his office before Cagalli decided to smack him.

"This is great! Dad'll be so proud!" Cagalli exclaimed, her smile faltering a bit.

"I'm sure he would be, Cagalli." Kira said trying to comfort his sister.

He might not really known her father, because they were the most bizarre pair of twins in the entire universe, and had grown up with different sets of parents, but he did know one thing, and that was that her father had really loved his sister.

"So yeah, I should be heading back to, uh my office and see if Sai got a hold of them…" Cagalli said breaking the tension that had fallen on the atmosphere.

"Uh yeah." Said Kira uneasily, glad that that awkward moment was over.

Cagalli strolled into her office, stopping briefly to talk to Sai.

"I'll keep trying." He said.

She nodded and headed into her office where a tower of papers waited for her signature.


	35. Chapter 35

"The competition. It might be fun." He told his girlfriend.

"It sounds like a good idea!" she exclaimed. "I wonder who will be picked?"

"Who knows?"

"Hopefully it will be you. You are the most experienced fighter in all of PLANTs." She exclaimed.

She had a way of saying things that he liked. She didn't say he was the best, only the most experienced, and that made him feel good.

"I doubt your sister would agree to that." He said jokingly.

"And you would be very right." A voice cut in.

He turned around slowly to the sound of the new voice and found himself staring at the face of his sister-in-law.

"I thought you might say something like that." He told her with a small smile on his face.

"Luna!" his girlfriend exclaimed, leaving his embrace and rushing towards her sister.

"Hello." The girl addressed as Luna said.

"It's nice to see you Lunamaria." He said, extending his hand towards her.

"You saw me, that's why you said that I wouldn't agree with Meyrin here." She accused.

"Yeah I saw you."

"You are evil."

"So um, Luna, where's Shinn?" Meyrin asked.

"I kinda left him behind, I can't have him hanging on me all the time right?"

They laughed.

"I know one thing, if you get picked as the main fighter of this thing, I am going to be dealing with a very grumpy Shinn." Lunamaria said with exaggerated dramatism.

"May the best one win." Was all Athrun could say.

It was going to be a very close competition in PLANTs to pick who would be representing them in this competition.

'Don't look at me, I was demoted remember?' Dearka had remarked sarcastically when he had asked of the possibility of he being picked.

Yzak had said that he wasn't interested in that, 'My day as a pilot are over, I'd much rather deal with paperwork. Paper is much easier to deal with than people.'

"Yzak, ever the anti-social guy. You'd much rather talk to a brick wall that to a girl huh?' Dearka had teased.

Yzak gave him an icy look, 'At least a brick wall won't be spouting stupidities.'

"Ouch that's harsh. With that attitude you are never going to get laid."

'And who said that I am even interested in dealing with people, much less women."

'I think you really are gay, just don't say you have a crush on me.' Dearka joked.

Yzak having very little patience retorted, 'My sexuality is none of your concern, but rest assured that even if you were the last human being alive you'd be the last person I would ever think of liking.' And with that he left the room.

'I love teasing him.'

Athrun had smiled and shook his head slightly.

'But you are no fun. I was waiting for you to jump in at any moment and help me with Yzak.'

'I'll leave that to you.' And with that said he de-attached himself from the wall he was leaning on and unfolded his arms extending one hand to his friend, 'I will be taking my leave now.'

'Yeah see ya man, and good luck with your nomination.'

He had waved without looking back at his friend.

And now, well…

"It was obvious he was going to win."

"Don't add more fuel to the fire." Lunamaria told Dearka.

"I'm not adding more fuel to anything, I'm just stating the truth. Your bratty boyfriend has skills, but c'mon, this is Athrun we're talking about."

"I don't appreciate being called bratty by someone one or two years older than I am." Shinn retorted.

Shinn had been a lot angrier before, but had learned to live a little after he started going steady with Lunamaria, and now he could take more heat than before.

"Well, _I am_ older, so _I_ _can_ call you a brat if I want to."

Shinn said nothing. He wasn't really angry that Athrun had gotten picked over him, not anymore. If it would have been a year before, he would have thrown a hissy fit, but now he had learned to be a good loser.

"…He did deserve to get that. Like Meyrin said, he is the most experienced of all the nominees." Shinn said.

"Well thank you, I appreciate that." Athrun said.

"So when are you leaving to Orb, and are you taking Meyrin?" Shinn asked.

"I'm leaving in a month, and I cannot decide for Meyrin."

"I would love to go, but I wouldn't want to be a nuisance." She asked uncertainly.

"I wouldn't mind." He told her smiling.

So the preparations were underway to start this new feat.


	36. Chapter 36

A test tube baby.

A failure.

He was an angry young man, but then again who wouldn't be when all your life all you ever heard were words of negativity.

In his nineteen years of existence, because what he had led up until that moment could not be called a life, he had never, not once, heard the loving words of a parent, nor had he experienced the gentle embrace of a mother, or had had the opportunity to be loved in any way.

Never.

His biological father had been a megalomaniac that had disregarded life as easily as one disregards socks, and he had been created as a failed scientific experiment. What nobody realized was that even if he had been created from biogenetic material, he was still human.

What he wanted, what he needed, nobody cared, and that in turn made him angry, and now he wanted revenge.

Revenge on the brother who had everything. The brother who was not a failure. The brother that hadn't run from the frying pan into the fire. The brother that could be happy.

If he had been shown even a little bit of love during his miserable existence, he would have been a great catch. The boy was not ugly by any means, but he didn't know how to interact with others, thus scaring away any potential girlfriends. But then again, thoughts of finding love were not in his head, he didn't even know what love was.

He headed towards Orb.

That is where he was, and that was where he would die.

He didn't know there was also a sister, but even if he did, he didn't care about her. She was a Natural, born from a mother by an egg fertilized in the natural way; she was expected to be just a mere human, not like him. The egg he came from had been expected to evolve and eventually become the ultimate human being, but it did not.

But then things hardly ever go as planned.


	37. Chapter 37

Orb had never been so busy in all its existence.

A month passed by quickly and all the countries participant in this competition where starting to show up.

'Where are we going to accommodate all these people?' Kira had asked.

'We'll manage somehow.' Cagalli had stated more confident than she really felt.

Why had she accepted to host the first ever mobile suit competition? Orb was a small country that had never really had much tourism, and suddenly it was being swarmed by people that had not even know it existed before all this.

Entering the country was fairly easy.

With all the buzz about the mobile suit competition, they had made it easier for anyone to enter.

To them, he was just another spectator.

'Ok, now to look for him.' He thought, his eyes and ears open, but he was so focused on finding him, that he forgot to watch out for anyone else.

Smack.

He had bumped into a redhead.

He had thought of just walking way without saying anything or even acknowledging the fact that he had even crossed paths with her, but the girl made him acknowledge her.

"Are you ok?" she asked.

He looked blankly at her, but she was expecting an answer, so he shook his head and quickly walked off.

That was the first time anyone had shown even the slightest concern for him, and it made him feel confused.

"Meyrin there you are!" Athrun exclaimed as he found his estranged girlfriend among the crowds.

"Sorry, it would seem I got lost."

"Are you ok?" he asked concerned.

She shook her head, "I am except…"

"What?" Athrun asked really concerned now.

"Oh…it was nothing, it was just that somebody bumped into me and he gave me this strange feeling."

"Strange, how?"

"I don't know how to explain, like he was lost maybe?"

"Lost like you?" Athrun joked.

"Ay, I already apologized!" said Meyrin, the stranger forgotten.

"Lunamaria is worried, so let's get back to them."

"Yes, besides aren't the opening ceremonies about to start?"

Athrun left Meyrin with Lunamaria and Shinn and headed towards the other pilots.

He joined the general crowd to see the opening ceremonies.

A blonde came up to center stage and took the microphone.

"I thank you all for being here and may the best one win! Now I will be introducing each and everyone of the pilots participant."

The crowd cheered.

And there he was.

The first to be called.

Brown hair and purple eyes.

His brother.

Kira Yamato.

After the opening sermon the pilots dispersed to enjoy the party thrown in their honor.

Kira found his girlfriend, Lacus accompanied by Athrun and his girlfriend Meyrin, and a couple of other people that he didn't recognize.

"Hey Kira I want you to meet a couple of people." Athrun called out to him.

"Oh hey." Kira said upon arrival sliding his arm around Lacus' waist.

"This is Lunamaria Hawke and her boyfriend Shinn Asuka." Said Athrun.

"Hello pleasure to meet you, I am Kira Yamato." Said Kira extending his hand out to the new comers.

'Why is he happy? Why did he get that right, the right to be happy?' he kept thinking as he saw him smiling and laughing with his friends.

"So where's your sister?" Athrun asked.

"Eh who knows? Since she is the Princess in charge of ruling this country, she's probably going around greeting as many diplomats as she can."

"Must be hard." Was all Athrun could say.

"Yeah but it keeps her from thinking…and that is a good thing."

Nobody knew how to respond to that, so instead the conversation moved to another topic.

Sister, he had a sister?

That blonde that had spoken was his sister.

Things were not going the way he had planned.


	38. Chapter 38

She had not visited her child 's grave, ever.

Not once since she had buried him had she ever been to visit it.

It was just so surreal to her that she had even been carrying a child for so long, that it was easier for her to make herself believe that that child had not even existed, but since the start of this tournament, that child had been in her mind a lot.

It was because of him.

The father.

A father that didn't even know he had once almost had a child with a complete stranger.

Then again why would he remember a stranger he slept with for one night, a stranger he had discarded after he was done with her, a stranger he had not even spoken to?

There would be no reason why he would remember her at all, and yet she had the feeling that somehow he could feel it, and it scared her that he might find out.

Never in all their tormentous relationship had they've been together for so long, and his presence was intoxicating.

She had told herself that she was ok with him moving on, that she too would stop using his memory as a means to keep her on her legs without falling, and it had worked, but she had never imagined that she'd be this close to him in all her life.

He lived in PLANT's, and he sporadically showed up to visit Kira, but she being the ruler of the country scarcely had time to properly talk to him, so he left no lasting impression in her already marked heart.

But now, he would be near her for over a month, and since this was official business, she had a lot of contact with him.

The feelings she had buried not too deep in her mind were starting to resurface every time she spoke to him, every time he smiled at her, every time they shook hands.

But to him she had been a stranger on a desolated island who had offered him a little comfort for a night, nothing else.

To her, he had been everything. In their brief encounter he had made her feel safe, happy, needed, but she knew that never again would he ever look at her like a lost child looking for his mother.

He was no longer lost.

His eyes were bright now; it seemed to her that he had found a way to heal his injuries, both emotional and physical.

She longed for his touch, but every time he looked at her, she only saw the eyes of a friend, nothing else.

"I would have been a horrible mother." She told the unnamed tombstone.

She had not even given that child a name.

"I don't know." A voice said behind her.

She turned around to meet those green eyes that looked at her as only a friend.

"I would have, trust me. I'm selfish, and even with this child I would have kept being selfish."

"It's unnamed?" he asked pointing at the tombstone.

"Yeah, he didn't even deserve a name. I'm terrible aren't I? He was my own child and yet I couldn't even name him."

"Did you ever see him?"

"No, never. I was given a box that's all."

"And did you ever think of a name?"

She sighed, "Not really. I was so confused about that child, that I thought about abortion, I really did but I didn't like the idea of having a vacuum shoved into me."

He stayed quiet looking at the tombstone. "May I offer a name?"

"Huh?"

"A name."

"Yes, I think it's time he got one."

"Patrick."

It was his father's name.

How ironic, after two years it was his own father who had named him. A father who thought he was naming a stranger had given him not just any name, but his grandfather's name.

"So he finally has a name?" Kira asked.

"Yeah."

"Why don't you just tell him and stop worrying that he might find out."

"Forget it." Was all she said as she walked away from the grave.

Kira watched her go.

She had gotten stronger, but she was still a fragile woman who might break at any moment again.

'How many times are you planning on putting yourself together Cagalli?' Kira asked his sister mentally.


	39. Chapter 39

The tournament started with a bang.

Of course the people's favorites were not letting anyone down, but there were also some surprises.

And of course, the country's pilot was no exception.

He was good, he had to give him that, but then again, admitting that he had talent made his anger flare up even more.

Again he would start to whine like a child, Why him? Why him? Why him? Until that lulled him to sleep, and if anyone had ever bothered to tell him, that was not the best way to fall asleep.

He didn't even know how he was going to hurt him; all he knew was that he was driven on his anger, but anger has never been a good advice giver.

And then, there was that redhead.

It was as if she was determined to always bump into him because it seemed that no matter where he went he always found her, or maybe it was the other way around.

"You know, we always keep bumping into each other but I don't even know your name." She said one day.

His eyes opened wide, he was sure of it, he felt them opening more than he'd ever opened them in his life.

"My…name?" he asked just to make sure he had heard her right.

She nodded her head smiling.

It surprised him. It really did. Why did this girl even care? But it really wasn't that she cared especially, it was just common courtesy, of which he knew not much about.

"Oh maybe I should introduce myself first," she said, "I'm Meyrin, Meyrin Hawke."

He was still not too sure how to react, but he had to give her a name. "Canard Pars" he said, and just as soon as he said that, he regretted giving her his real name.

"Interesting name."

He glared at her, was she making fun of him?

"So what do you do?"

"Eh?"

"I shouldn't be asking, it's none of my bussiness."

"Ah…what do you do?"

"I'm a member of ZAFT."

He was really surprised, she didn't look like the military type, and he told her. "You don't seem like the military type."

"Ehehehehe, sometimes I wonder why I even joined."

Something felt different, but he didn't know what.

That girl was making him talk, and he couldn't understand how was it that she was doing it.

She was looking intently at him, "Oh everyone's going to be worried about where I am!" she exclaimed and was about to leave, when she thought otherwise. She turned and grabbed his hand and started dragging him through the crowds of people towards and unknown place.

"Hey guys, sorry to have dissaperead like that, but I saw a friend and had to go after him!" she said out-of-breath.

Had she just called him a 'friend'?

"Um yeah and you could let go of his hand now." Lunamaria pointed out.

She immediately let go, blushing.

"Lucky for you, your boyfriend is not here. I don't think he would have liked it much to see that you are cheating on him."

"Ay, it's not like that!"

"Really? It seemed to me like you were enjoying it inmensely." Lunamaria said mockingly.

"Ay! Let me just introduce you guys."

"Eh, let's wait, I see the rest of the group coming." Shinn piped in.

Soon they were joined by the rest of them, and of course Kira was there.

"Let me introduce you," Meyrin said, "this is Canard Pars."

"Nice to meet you." Eveyone said.

And the 'villain' he had always pictured Kira to be started to slowly dissolve itself.


	40. Chapter 40

The tournament wasn't going to last long, but it did change many people's views on things.

What things could happen in one month.

"I wonder who will win this." Shinn was saying.

"It's hard to say, it was obvious that Athrun and Kira were going to get far, but then there's that Swedish pilot, she good too, it can go any way." Said Lunamaria.

"So where's your sister?"

"I think she went to see that friend of hers."

"She's really taken a liking to him, huh?"

"She has, but Athrun doesn't seem to mind much, so I guess it's ok."

Cagalli had also noticed that. Meyrin was spending way too much time with another guy, and Athrun seemed not to mind, which she had to admit gave her some hope.

"Doesn't it bother you that Meyrin spends time with that man?" she asked him. "I know I'm overstepping my boundaries and you don't have to answer…" but she was cut off by him.

"No, not really. I'm very comfortable with my relationship, so there is no need for me to make a big deal out of nothing."

She didn't know how to answer to that.

"What I'm saying is that I'll be happy with or without her, and if she finds happiness elsewhere, then I have no objections."

"But, then isn't that is called cheating?"

"Is it? I don't think she's done anything to have us speculating on whether what she's doing is right or wrong, moral or immoral. In other words, her seeing another man as a friend cannot be called cheating. I trust her completely." He said sounding somewhat angry.

"So um, whom do you think will win?" she asked him, changing the subject, and trying to get him to liven up again.

"You are asking me that? How could you? Of course I'm going to say me." He said in a joke, his displeasure disappearing as fast as it had come.

"Seriously, this tournament is not going exactly how I thought. I thought of many things before it started, like for example you and Kira would meet in the finals, now I am not too sure."

"Oh you mean because of that Swedish pilot?"

"Yeah, I was thinking about her. As a girl that I am, I would be delighted to see her win since she is the only female in this whole tournament, but then there's Kira and…" but she stopped herself before she said it.

"And he's your brother and you have to cheer for him?" he offered.

She nodded, but that was not what she had wanted to say. She had wanted to say '…there's Kira and …you…' but she would not be able to explain why she would cheer for him.

"Well then, why don't you just wish them both luck, and may the best of us win?"

She nodded again.

"Well I guess I'll let you be, since you and I are busy". He started to walk away, but suddenly stopped. "Oh and there really is no reason for me to be jealous if Meyrin wants to spend time with her new friend because haven't we spend time together too? And we are friends and you are a girl right?" he said without turning to look at her and finally walked away completely.

She stood there, in complete silence. Those were not the words she wanted to hear. She already knew he only thought of her as a friend, but she did not want him to be the one to confirm it.


	41. Chapter 41

Many things can happen in a month, and in this particular month relationships were build, relationships were destroyed, minds changed and new romances started and some old ones ended.

Yes, the first ever mobile suits tournament had brought with it many good and some bad things.

It was inevitable.

He had never stopped to lick his wounds, leaving them exposed to remind him of all the pain and suffering he had endured since the beginning of his existence, but he had found someone that helped those wounds to heal and he wasn't about to let her go.

Meyrin wasn't sure what she felt for him.

She was attracted to him, physically, but there was also something else that attracted her to him. Maybe it was that he seemed so vulnerable?

She couldn't tell.

Then again sometimes actions say more than words.

She had a boyfriend, and even with his lack of human relations, he knew exactly what that meant.

"Do you like him?" he had to ask the most clichéd question in the history of a man trying to get a girl.

She looked at him, unable to articulate a response.

Why was she so tongue-tied? She had to like Athrun or else she wouldn't have spent almost a year with him, but then something happened.

He acted on impulse.

He took her wrist and pulled her towards him until their lips met.

Ironically it was their first kiss for both of them.

When he let her go, she had her answer.

She did not like Athrun like that. He was a good friend, but nothing more.

"No." she finally managed to say.

He didn't necessarily know what had come over him, but he was not used to apologizing so he did not, but it wasn't like he needed to.

Athrun knew it was coming. It was obvious and he knew that what he and Meyrin had was not a romance but a very strong friendship. Ever since Dearka had asked him if he had even kissed her, he knew. It came as no surprise when she told him that 'there is someone else.'

He smiled at her. "I figured. There is someone else too, for me that is."

She looked surprised, but she too had known that they were going nowhere.

"Who?"

But before he could say anything, an aqua haired teen appeared.

It was the champion of the tournament.

Yes the girl had beaten the boys and made every female on both Earth and PLANTs proud.

"Allenby." He said.

"I know." They shook hands and she left them be.

It was the end of what had been a very unromantic but very satisfying relationship. And now they could grow and mature.

Nobody was really surprised that Meyrin had ended her relationship with Athrun in favor of the newcomer, but what was surprising was that Athrun had ended with the Swedish pilot, Allenby.

"Cagalli are you going to be ok?" Kira asked his sister after the news of Athrun's new girlfriend reached their ears.

"Yeah I'll be ok, that American pilot has been dropping hints." She said smiling.

Somebody was acknowledging her for herself, not just as the princess of Orb and she was happy.

"Do I still like him? Yes, and I probably always will, but you know what Kira, as long as there is someone out there that can love me for me, not for my position as head of Orb's government, then I can learn to be happy."

"Then what can I say? That American seems like a nice guy, go for it."

The month ended; the tournament with it.  
Relationships started. Relationships ended. Love bloomed. Love died.

A blonde looked out her window at the view before her. A man lay beside her and snored softly. She turned to look at him a small smile playing in her lips. She looked up at the sky again and wondered what a certain someone was doing. As long as they were both living maybe someday their paths would join again, but until that day came, she could go on smiling because she had found a great catch embodied in a certain American pilot.

The End. (insert your own happy ending.)

(There may still be a chance for Cagalli and Athrun, they are young, it's just 4 this particular story I didn't feel like ending it with them 2gether.Just use a little imagination.)

So I got tired of how long this story is, so I basically said all I had planned to say in a much condensed way, or else just Meyrin breaking up with Athrun would have taken me 3 more chapters, and u guys are probably tired of reading this anyway.

P.S.

The blue-haired young man awoke drenched in sweat.

"It was her!"

Really, the end now.

Hope u enjoyed it.

Don't be too pissed over the fact they did not end together, ok?

Even if ur pissed, review please!


End file.
